There are many stages
Forcing myself to leave this feeling
To regretting my emotions
To being selfish
I know the words that I am feeling
But I don't wanna say it
It feels like a big burning hole
Big like the universe
Going deep and deep as time goes by
Sometimes I wanna disappear
And start all over again
I am just mad at myself
Mad that I let my walls down
Mad that I'm not making progress
Mad that you are smiling and I'm not
I don't like this
When emotions take over me
I want to stop being vulnerable
Stop being my definition of weak
Why isn't this going away
It cringes me that I feel these
After 4 years of compressing everything
Just one secret led to every emotion spilling
That one sentence
Sometimes I would relive that day
I remember the exact time, date, and location
It was a big impact
An impact that led me to regret
Grief
Loss
Sadness
Anger
And one more which I am scared to admit
It feels cringe and cheesy
But it's reality
The power you have to control me
Just one glance
Just one moment
Just one laugh
Makes me restart this whole journey
