Normal - Steve Kemp x Reader

Chapter Four: Inner Darkness

"Fucking quitter. Told you there's no way she can handle this." Familiar memories play through her mind. Voices that she swears she locked away years and years ago...but still manage to rear their ugly heads from time to time. Voices she promised never to let herself listen to or believe. The memories are soon replaced by others: pictures of the crime scenes, of all the things that happened to these poor women...and how she's one of the only ones who can stop it from happening again. Y/N sighs. There's no way she can stop seeing Steve. At least, not now. She can't have any more blood on her hands.

Pulling herself up, she considers calling in sick to her work or just working from home today. She's too tired and preoccupied with her conflicting brain to be surrounded by people today, especially her co-workers. Unfortunately, it's only then that she remembers that she has another meeting with her boss and the police chief, who are expecting another report on her findings. It's something she can't miss. Groaning, she suddenly catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror. God, she looks fucking awful. Her hair is a mess, and there are giant bags under her eyes. Sighing, Y/N turns on her shower, hoping both it and her makeup work to at least make her look semi-presentable.

After all, what is that they say about concealer hiding a multitude of sins? Although Y/N thinks she might need a miracle to cover all of hers at this rate.

Later that morning, Y/N walks towards her boss's office, ready to present her new findings to him and the chief. She can feel her hands getting clammier with nervousness, which isn't helped by the sight of some of her co-workers staring at her, most with an unfriendly look, whispering to each other. Y/N sighs. Her co-workers have never seemed to like her, even when she first started at the FBI, and she has no idea why. Of course, it could be because, like Steve said, she's a woman entering a predominantly male-dominated building, so they don't like their testosterone challenged by someone like her, and they're jealous of her success.

Although that argument seems to make a lot of sense, Y/N has still always wondered if people at her job hate her so much because they also think she has a hidden darkside. Maybe, like her, they worry that after meeting so many dark and evil people, she's just as wicked, and that they're in some sort of danger by working with her. Of course, she understands that what she does is scary - especially if these past few weeks are anything to go by - so she doesn't hold that part against them. It's just upsetting and frustrating to constantly be whispered about and treated like the devil incarnate for just doing her job, and it doesn't help to prevent her anxieties either.

However, convincing everyone that just because she works with evil people, it doesn't necessarily mean that she's evil too is proving more difficult than she expected. And as everyone knows, when it comes to darkness, Steve Kemp is definitely full of it. Not to mention that for some reason, how close she and Steve are is somehow public knowledge to the whole agency, no doubt spread by one of her co-workers. Although to her, Steve is probably the one person she's currently the closest to or even the person she's been the closest to in her whole life, she'd never outright admit it to any of them, despite it being the hot gossip of the office. Understandably, most people do not want to be friends with someone like Steve Kemp. Sometimes though, Y/N wishes they could see the Steve that she sees. The same Steve who always seems happy to see her and compliments her and her intelligence constantly...even if it's usually to boost himself and his ego. Maybe they'd feel a little differently after hearing that.

Y/N groans. Oh god, what is she even saying? Is she seriously trying to convince herself that Steve Kemp is a good person if they look a little deeper? And hoping that people might believe her? God, she really needs a break from this case.

"Freak." Someone mutters under their breath as she walks by. Y/N tries to ignore the tears stinging her eyes and takes a deep breath, walking past the person without another word. Either way, she'd rather they didn't stare at her because it's not helping her nerves. However, before she has enough time to dwell on it, the door to the meeting room opens, and her boss quickly welcomes her inside.