Teaspoons and Promises (Deleted Scenes I: Erwin x Levi)

Losing The World - Part 2

[During the battle to Retake Wall Maria]

Levi

My first mistake in battle is that I didn't cut Reiner's fucking head off. I should have sliced it clean off with my blade and stomped it in until it caved in and oozed juices like a harvest pumpkin. Then maybe we'd be better off. Maybe we'd have had an advantage.

But instead I put an entire blade through his stupid thick neck, and another through his chest, and the fucker and his freak titan body barely took any damage.

We're scattered around the wall, already one down and we haven't even started the fighting. To our surprise, flashes of yellow illuminated the perimeter of the wall after Reiner is able to transform and heal himself. Hundreds of titans transform, revealing their plan to catch us off guard and surround us. And at the center of it all, the Beast Titan, hurling house-sized boulders at the wall.

Fuck this.

Erwin

This is surely the end. The Scouts have lost their bravado. The village on the outer wall is half destroyed. The Beast Titan made sure of it, hauling boulder after boulder into the bricks and cement like they were made of parchment.

The Colossal titan is not far behind us on the other side of the wall, but there's no way we can get ourselves and our horses back to safety. This small group we have left outside the Wall is the last of us. Maybe Eren and the others inside the walls can get away, but there's little hope for us.

I explain the plan I've come up with to Levi, leading him over to a vacant space outside the wall away from the Scouts. They can't hear this plan. Can't hear how I'll be leading them to their deaths if it is to succeed.

I gambled everything on the Scouts' success, on us being able to defeat our enemies and make it to that cellar. In a sick twist of irony, the only way the Scouts will succeed now is if I lead them to their deaths. It would have been cowardly for me to refuse going into battle from the start, but even more cowardly to not give it my all and sacrifice everything now to ensure we complete our mission.

This whole time I've been moving with selfish motives masked by courageous drive. I could easily make it to that cellar now alone and uncover the truth of our world. But how can I live with myself if I abandon them now? If I left them with that realization of my true intentions— If I left Levi with that realization. I can't. We have one shot to win this one, and it means I have to become something I swore to protect them from.

Levi listens silently, not bothering to hide his surprise at my words as I tell him everything that needs to happen. I can see all of the emotions pass through his face; surprise, sadness, acceptance. My heart aches as I see that last emotion hit him. He knows I wouldn't suggest this if I wasn't planning on executing this plan. It means I have to put the success of our mission over my dreams, and over my love for him.

*"I just... wanted to reach that cellar," I sigh, eyes on the ground. "Everything I've done up to this point, I did in the hopes that this chance would come. I dreamt that I would get to prove I was right. Many times I felt that death would have been easy, but then I, I think of the questions that I needed answered, what I lived for. And now those answers are no more than a coward's leap away." I swallow, my voice shaky, "I'm so close but... Can you see them too? Our comrades, they're all standing around us. They've been watching us all this time. They want to know what we did with the sacrifices that they've made. What became of the hearts they gave. But that's probably just in my head right? Of no more import than a child's bad dream." Brick and debris explode out of buildings around us, causing the Scouts to shriek and dodge the stray rubble flying towards them.