𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀

medication - cb

CATE BLANCHETT

AGE - 17

WARNINGS!!
mentions of od, intrusive/suicidal thoughts, taking pills, gagging, mentions of cutting

DISCLAIMER!!
again a personal topic for me
written a few months ago, not proofread

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medication in the blanchett household was never in view and was solely controlled by your mother, cate. the control wasn't malicious, quite the opposite really, it was to honestly protect you. cate would rather rid the house of any medication before she let what happened to you before happen again

if she wasn't there the first time you took too many of her back pain medication that day who knows where you'd be now. well, she does know and she never wants that to happen

she got you the help you needed and you were doing better, that's what she thought but apparently she struggled to see that you had being to relapse back into those ever consuming thoughts, the ones that are are always looming, waiting to hit you when it hurts the most

trying to do the simple task of english homework can cause a spiral.

if i wasn't here then no homework, right? does this really matter that much? if i wasn't here then none of this wouldn't matter, would it? what is the point when it doesn't matter?

however hard the actress tried at restricting the amount she gave it still didn't stop you from finding an alternative

whenever you were in pain she would let you have two ibuprofen or paracetamol. you would only take one of the two given and store the other one in your emergency stash

you thought of it like a backup plan, a failsafe, incase the intrusive thoughts got loud again. of course it wasn't the way one should look at a stash of pills but your brain had somehow convinced itself that you were safer with the pill option if ever needed

that 'if ever' option was sought upon a lot sooner then you could admit

at the minute you stood in your closet with a glass of water and too many pills for your own good

you had planned it out, it was one in the morning so no-one was up and you were getting naturally sleepy so the pain would arrive as you were already asleep

it's all just become too much

"here goes" you mumbled and took the first bunch of mixed ibuprofen and paracetamol, followed by a chug of water and an added gag, you were never one to enjoy swallowing pills, it made trying to overdose that much harder

the only reason you chose an overdose over cuts was the pain. as you are overdosing it's painless and no warnings device as such whereas with cutting there's the pain that puts you off going further. however, sometimes that pain can be encouraging

of course, what you didn't know was that your gags echoed in the closet you were in and the sound managed to reach your mother's room

gut instinct or arguably her mother's instinct made the blonde shoot up in bed and the sound of your gags caught her in a panic and led her to quickly grab a dressing gown to put over her pajamas and rush to your room

"honey?" she called out as soon as she opened the door. the lights were off and your bed was empty which confused her

only when heard a muffle sob did she think to check the closet

in no time at all she flung the door of the closet up to find your curled up sobbing frame on the floor

the sight made the older woman panic "sweetheart?" dropping to her knees she gently pried your hands away your legs to stop your nails clawing at the skin, she opted to hold your hands close to her chest "baby, look at me please" the blonde pleaded but you couldn't, you couldn't let your mother see what you had done to yourself again

"please, i need to see your face, honey" the tears she tried so hard to not shed fell "how many, just tell me a number" cate wasn't angry, far from it, she was scared

in the end you didn't even know the number you took, you just kept going

when your face did emerge cate was bear witness to the yellowing of around your eyes and the paleness of the rest of your face "i'm going to call an ambulance" she mumbled and brought your fragile body onto her lap, her grip was gentle yet firm like if she where to loosen up you'd fade away

~

"i- i'm so sorry, i'm sorry, mama" you sobbed into cate's arms as you both lay in the hospital bed

they had your heartrate monitored and took blood every so often to keep a close eye on you. luckily your body seemed to flush most of the medication out on its own by throwing up several times

"you have nothing to be sorry for" she undid the messy bun your hair was put in and gently combed it out with her fingers "you're so strong, i'm going to be here with you for as long as you need me"