To My First Love

to the boy I fell in love with,

It was december of our freshman year when I noticed you for the first time. It was the month I saw you in different light.

We're classmates, even seatmates but I never took interest on you, until the day we were grouped to create our own theater play. It was a crappy romance story were you and I became partners.

I was the awkward leading lady and you were my shy leading man.

That group project made us interact with each other. We would screw around while practising. We would talk a lot when it's our break.

Your tongue speaks the sweetest words and that caught me. Those words that made me fall. That made my insides flutter for the first time.

You're not my type. You weren't handsome, you're not that tall. Heck, I was taller than you and I was 2 years freaking older than you. You're not someone I thought I would fall for.

As days and weeks passed by, I got to know more about you. I became interested in you. Then one day I woke up and realized that I was actually infatuated by you.

But for the past few weeks I kept my feelings towards you for myself. My bestest friends started getting suspicious because I talked about you alot and whenever they would ask me if I like you, I would tell them no. But since I'm naive, everything I hide is all transparent.

I was put into the dare of confessing my crush towards you.

And I did the dare. I confessed. You took it as a joke since I did it in a joking way.

Because I did it in funny way, I thought it will be just fine. But then, when you asked if my confession was just a joke, I told you that I was serious about having feelings towards you because somehow I hoped you'd see me in a different light. But you didn't say anything and that broke my heart.

Eversince I confessed, we started drifting apart. We didn't talk at school anymore. We would text sometimes and I know you're getting irritated somehow because I was always persistent in texting you.

But what can I do? I like you. That time I knew you like someone else but it didn't stop me. I tried my best to get closer to you.

Then that chance came. I asked you if it's alright if we become bestfriends. You agreed and I was more than overjoyed. I didn't think of the consequences of having to confessed first then be bestfriends after. I didn't know that it was the worst decision I've ever made.

You don't open up to me at all. I felt like, you're not my best friend at all. Sometimes, I prayed that somehow, you'll open up to me and see me not as a girl who likes you but a girl you could lean on. But how could you do that when you knew I have feelings for you. It was messed up.

During the summer, things got more complicaed. A friend of mine was linked to you and that was the first time I felt jealous and angry. She was my friend and she knew my feelings towards you but how can she just do that kind of thing. It was sick, she knew I liked you.

I was devastated when you told me that you were interested in her as well. I want to cry but tears won't come out. My heart just felt so heavy like, it was breaking bits by bits.

By the time we became sophomores, we remained best friends and I was contented with that. For that time I was happy just being your best friend. But, even though we're still best friends, I could still feel the gap between us.

There are times when I want to reset everything. I regret those unplanned and rushed decisions I made. But what could I do? I've already fallen for you and you kept on breaking my heart.