Feel Special | Kpop Soloist

around and around

Sanghee flinches as a phone slams down in front of her, making her jump. She pulls the bulky black headphones off her head looking up to lock eyes with her very angry boyfriend.

"What was that for? You scared me" she pouts but Taesoo clearly wasn't in the mood.

"Have you seen it?" he questions, jutting his chin down to his phone. Sanghee looks down glancing at the screen seeing the new rumor article.

"Hye-sun unnie showed me this morning," she says, clicking the phone off and giving it back to Taesoo who shoves it into his hoodie pocket.

"I can't believe I let you talk me into going out again. This is why we can't go out Sanghee, this! I keep trying to tell you but no you just have to keep pushing"

"I didn't push! We already planned this weeks ago. I told you to stop standing me up for work. If you didn't want to go out you should have just said so."

"BUT I DO!" Taesoo shouts "Everytime you suggest it I tell you it's a bad idea. Shit like this keeps happening and it's frustrating Sanghee. Don't you get it?"

"Don't you get it's hard staying inside for everything? I'm sick of being cooped up in our dorms. I want to go out to live! I'm sick of sneaking around and pretending to be just your colleague rather than your girlfriend"

"You knew what you were signing up for when we became idols"

"Yeah. I just didn't know what I was signing up for when I confessed to you and we agreed to date"

"So this is my fault?!"

"Yes! No! I don't know!" Sanghee shouts, throwing her head back and letting it hit against the headrest. Taesoo scoffs running a hand through his hair.

"When will you grow up and stop being such a brat?" he questions and Sanghee squeezes her eyes shut. She tries to not get upset by that statement.

"I'm not being a brat"

"You are. It's always about what you want" Taesoo huffs and Sanghee gives a scoff of her own. It wasn't her that their relationship was based on, it was Taesoo. They had dates when Taesoo wanted, they gave each other gifts Taesoo approved of, they kept their entire relationship a secret because Taesoo said so. It was getting exhausting but this is how Taesoo is. He needs everything to be in his control unless he freaks out, like he's doing now.

"What's so wrong about not wanting to lie? About wanting peace of mind" she murmurs. It was frustrating keeping it a secret and mentally exhausting. Doesn't he know the number of nights she laid awake because every little noise startled her, worried her into thinking someone was trying to break into her apartment? How sometimes she was so paranoid she couldn't go to work, or she'd lock herself in the bathroom and cry, hoping that everything would end and people would finally leave her alone?

"We're only lying because we have to," Taesoo says and Sanghee knows the truth behind those words. 'Because I want to'

"You're right. I'm sorry," Sanghee says. She was always the one appeasing and making compromises even if they hurt. She'll sit on the sidelines wishing he'd actually attend their dates, and maybe send a sweet text or two like he used to, back when they were in the honeymoon phase.

"You know I'm only doing this to protect our image. They'll eat you alive if they find out we're really dating" Taesoo says and Sanghee nods despite thinking the opposite.

'You'll eat yourself alive if they find out. Always worried they'll hate you, not me'

"We shouldn't go on our next date, not until the media and fans die down"