"every h:pii fanfic ever"

bonus: no variations on THIS cloud baby

bonus chapter, as i promised. thanks for 1k reads.

"Goodness Golly Gosh!" says Simon. "Now that I'm dead, & all the plot holes in this story are roughly stitched together in the final chapter, I can finally die & go to heaven now! My story is over! Life is going to be good now! My goodness gracious, I can't wait!"

oh simon. how sweet & naive your character probably is.

i hear you, reader. "what? i thought the story was over now! i thought we hit all 11 chapters!"

well, we did. but some people like to go a little further with their story (props to them for trying!) by adding a 12th chapter. based on the lovely "variations on a cloud", of course. plus it fits with the whole "12/12/12" thing & yeah.

simon arrives in heaven, despite all the terrible things he does, including murder. he will always arrive in heaven. he will never go to hell. simon suffering in hell for all eternity is a fantastic sequel to your hawaii: part ii fanfiction. i don't know why nobody's doing it. nobody has good ideas like me, i guess.

simons all up in heaven. it's always somewhat based in Christianity somehow. its in the sky, there's clouds (debatably with variations). angels, probably. sometimes there are dead people simon talk to in this chapter. one time a character talked to the beatles in one of these fanfictions. i shit you not.

usually, however, simon meets stella up in here.

"but wasn't she just alive last chapter? doesn't she often kill simon?"

yeahhhh but you don't GET it man! that was LAST chapter. things change! stella is dead for the second(?) time now. or maybe the siren wasn't stella at all, as sirens mimic what people desire most. it would be really nice if people knew stuff about sirens other than "evil mermaids" before writing these stories. just a thought.

"Oh my folly! It's Stella! My love! My star!" did I mention that nicknames & petnames in this story always have to be space related? just a fact. sorry to burst your bubble if you were thinking otherwise.

"hello simon" says stella, lifeless & void of personality. she's like a mannequin.

"My goodness, Stella! I love you so much!!"

"i love you too :)"

a critical flaw with these stories is that simon never actually has a valid reason to kill stella, if simon kills her. like, he never has any reason to kill her. he just does. "it felt right" or something. but im not here to point out your critical flaws, im here to summarize. im just the messenger, so don't hate me.

simon & stella do couple shit. maybe the siren wasn't stella, as forementioned. maybe she actually forgives him (why??). they kiss or something.

oh! maybe they talk to each other for the first time in a while! let's see how that goes.

"Well, my folly! I am so pompous & stereotypically british! I have way too much to talk about extravagantly! I received electroconvulsive therapy in what is presumably the 40s! Gosh, Stella, I love you! Did you know I never finished my therapy & therefore I'm still clinically insane? & nobody thinks about that? Goodness Golly Gee!"

"yes simon i love you too :) i will ignore all your character flaws :) you're obviously just silly :)"

"Yep!"

if any other extra characters die throughout the story, they show up now to greet simon. they will have no qualms with him, even if he directly resulted in their deaths.

simon will never truly be held accountable for his actions. he is untouchable.

"mwah mwah smooch smooch" go stella & simon. ignore everything that variations on a cloud is about.

yay happy ending, i guess! not one that makes any lick of sense, but hey, following the album is more important than a coherent plot. the album was followed, so the rest is yours. take care.

"wow this is so cool" says god themself, eating popcorn. simon & stella are still making out grossly or some bullshit. "i sure hope simon never did anything wrong throughout the story. i would hate to see him held accountable for his actions."

silly god! if only you knew.