His Heart

Chapter forty-two: Charlie

I nodded silently.

"That's all you can do as a parent, isn't it? Try your best and hope you don't mess up too badly."

"Yeah." I said.

"You're an amazing dad, Charlie." She said. "Your kids adore you. Despite everything, you've managed to give them everything they could possibly need. And you do it so flawlessly too."

I almost laughed out loud. I had made so many mistakes with those two I was amazed at the people they turned out to be. Her parenting was the kind of effortless grace I wanted.

Wasn't it funny how everyone seemed to do a better parenting job than you? How even when you were getting everything right, you still felt like you were going wrong somewhere?

"Thank you." I smiled. "Raising kids alone isn't an easy task. It's a wonder our kids are still smiling every day."

"Because they know we're there for them." She said. "Isn't that all you can do?"

"I wish I had someone to share it with." I said.

There was a pause.

"Me too."

We were quiet, and I wondered if her silence was filled with unasked questions she was too scared to say aloud.

I love you.

That was Maddie's first sentence in English. She was four years old.

We tell our kids we love them every day. We hold them close and rock them to sleep and whisper it in their ears.

It came so easily. So naturally.

But when it came to saying it out loud to other people, I froze. No matter how much I wanted to say the words.

"I want to talk to you about something." I said. "In person."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I'm intrigued. Why in person?"

"I want to see your reaction when I ask you." I said. "Just be patient."

She giggled.

"Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow."

There was a soft click as she hung up the phone and I smiled.

This warm, fuzzy feeling made my heart skip and I thought about how long it had been since I felt this way.

Not since the day I kissed my wife goodbye.

You deserve this. She said. You and the kids? You deserve everything.

Do you ever think about the future?

I do, Lizzie.

I think about who my kids will be when they grow up. I think about the life I had always planned on having with Jasmine.

And I think about the life I want to build with you.

You are my future.

~*~

I let go of Leo's hand as he bolted towards Lizzie and the boys. I exchanged a look with Maddie and smiled.

Lizzie walked up to us and embraced us, looking into Maddie's eyes.

"How are you doing, honey?" She asked.

"Okay." Maddie mumbled, ducking her head. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry about." She said. "We all make mistakes. It's a part of growing up."

Maddie hesitated before nodding.

"If it's ok with you and your Papá, I'd like to plan a girly day. Just us. How does that sound?"

My daughter smiled and nodded.

"That sounds great." She said. "Thank you."

"No problem." Lizzie said. "I'd love to get to know you a bit better."

Maddie nodded. Her gaze drifted to the boys.

"Your kids are so cute." She said. "I love twins."

"You are more than welcome to babysit them anytime you like." Lizzie said, with a chuckle.

Maddie's eyes lit up.

"Can I?" She asked.

"Of course you can."

Lizzie looked up at me and smiled and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Maybe we should plan a date soon." I said, making her laugh.

"Maybe not too long. We don't want to tire her out." She chuckled.

Maddie gave a small smile, before going to join the boys.

We watched the children play for a while.

"She looks happier." Lizzie said.

"She does." I agreed.

"You're doing everything you can." She said. "You know that right?"

"I know." I murmured. "It's still not enough though."

She gave a sad smile and looked back at the kids.

"No." She murmured. "Nothing ever is."

I looked at her as she watched the kids and smiled at the love in her eyes. Maybe we could never do enough. But we loved them.

That was all that mattered in the end, wasn't it?

But there was still one more thing I needed to make my life complete.