A Little More Of Love.

Chapter 10: It's A Breakup!

I place a hand on hers, giving it a soft squeeze. "You have always been with me, and I know you're going to be just fine."

We smile as she squeezes my hand and moans, "Aww, now that makes me teary-eyed." She wipes her eye and then tries to fit a mouthful of cookies in her mouth. I giggle and tap the corner of her lips when Taylor says, "Once you find the right person, you will see how much love is actually supposed to be easy."

I tilt my head and raise my eyebrows, "Shouldn't I be saying that to you?"

She chuckles and smacks her lips, "I really hope you can get a boyfriend." throwing her arms around me.

"I want to fall in love with you, and I want to make you fall in love with me, Lily!"

Alastair's words hit my head, and my heart skips when I shake my thoughts away and blink back at my friend. I move apart and frown, snapping, "Excuse me? Why are you cursing me?"

"Huh?" she blinks and pouts confusingly that I almost laugh at her face. I push her back and scoff, "You just had a breakup, and you want me to go through this?" 

I amusedly roll my eyes and snort, "Sorry but not sorry. I am not as strong as you are, so why do you hate me?" she narrows her eyes and scrutinizes me as I shudder.

Taylor then takes a deep breath. 

"Oh, please, Lily!" 

I raise my gaze as she continues, "you are strong than you think. You think you are not worthy of love, of being happy, but you are. I know we don't need a man to justify our existence, but I really hope you get someone—" she smiles as I clear my throat and ask, "Why? Don't I have you, my best friend?" 

She giggles and caresses my cheek as she snorts, "Of course you do, but I know there will be someone by your side. A handsome stable man who has his shit together," We snicker. "He knows how to comfort you in your time of need, who will love you for who you are, and accept all your flaws. However, I believe you have none," I roll my eyes. "He who will stare at you like he won a lottery, who will be proud to have you with him, who would be there to support you when you need someone."

Alastair?

I briefly frown and look away, admonishing my heart to behave.

Taylor lets go of my hands, "Wait, you're blushing—" and points out, exclaiming, "you do have someone."

I blurt out, "No, I don't."

She gives me a sharp quizzical look, "Woah, that was quick."

I roll my eyes and press my palms against my cheeks. They are hot. And my heart rate inexplicably increased. I cough, "It's the alcohol which speeds up the heart rate, and the blood vessels in the skin tend to widen. This process is called vasodilation. Dilated blood vessels cause the skin to feel warm and flushed—" 

Taylor interrupts with a deadpan expression and scoffs, "Ugh, I get it. It's been two years since you got your GED certificate. Stop showing off."

I shrug and take a sip when Taylor slides closer and teases, "Come on, tell me. Who is it? Tell me, who finally managed to crack through your ice-cold heart?"

"What the—" I scowl when Taylor waves a hand and snaps, "Ugh, you're the Ice Queen! Now tell me." 

I narrow my eyes, then lower my head and fidget with my fingers.

Sitting in silence with your best friend staring at you in expectation is awkward. The anticipation of whatever moment is going to be my death. Should I tell her? What would she say? My hands are so clammed up, and I feel so anxious that I would faint at any moment. So I lean over to open a new can of beer and gulp it down in one go as her eyes twinkle with excitement.

I shouldn't dwell on something I know has no future or a present.

I sigh, "Nothing."

"What?" Taylor frowns. I nervously laugh as I explain, "It was just an incident at the cafe and nothing else."

"You know me, Taylor. You know that I don't want to start anything with anyone." I murmur.

"But until when? Every person needs someone to make them feel that tomorrow is more than just a day. Everyone needs someone sometimes."

"I know! But I have you and a job. I am happy and content living what my life is now." I reply.

Taylor rolls her eyes at me, "You do know, Lily, that you deserve the right to be loved and loved on this land as anyone else, right?"

Will Alastair be— I shake my head and then mumble at her, "I know," What the heck was I thinking? I don't want to ruin a person's life. Getting involved with me and getting closer enough to make me break my walls would only hurt them. I don't think I can handle the pain of hurting someone anymore.

Taylor then loudly yawns, breaking the palpable silence in the room. I blink and chuckle as she sticks her tongue out, "Oops!" before she finishes her beer can, and I glance at the clock. Oh. I then get up.

"Come on, it's past midnight, and you're sleepy. I will help you get to bed, Your Highness!"

I bow and lean to grab Taylor by her arm, but she tries to yank away and narrows her eyes as she murmurs, "What is it? Why do you feel the need to—" another yawn intervenes as I succeed and force her to get up on her feet, only to stumble before she leans herself on me, "Fine!" she huffs. I sigh before I throw her arm around my shoulder and hold her by her waist as I stagger toward my room.

Taylor lets go of me, jumps on the bed with her face buried into the pillows, and groans. 

"Is it Alastair? I do root for you. He is a nice guy—" 

I stare at her and throw a blanket over her. 

I then check to see if the heater is still working and plop beside the drunk friend of mine and look at her when she mumbles, "Ugh, just remember you deserve everything good in this world. You are too pure to call yourself tainted, and a murderer. You didn't murder anyone." before she passes out for good.

Why did I think of him at that moment?

I am not going to sleep tonight, and I know that.