Pickles in a Jar || Tian Guan Ci Fu (Heaven Official's Blessing)

Scene 2

(Inside Puqi Shrine, Xie Lian and Hua Cheng are sitting at the table discussing accounts from donations. Something is simmering in a pot in the kitchen, leaving the entire room enclosed in a faint steamy glow. Hua Cheng is not listening to a word, and continues to stare lovingly at Xie Lian, one hand on the table supporting his cheek. He smiles when Xie Lian looks like he has an idea.)

Xie Lian: San Lang?

Hua Cheng: (nods)

Xie Lian: (urgently) San Lang....Oh no...

Hua Cheng: Gege?

Xie Lian: Oh no no no no. (Runs to the kitchen where a pot is boiling over) How did you not notice? (Sits down to put off the stove)

(Echoes of aggressive shouting from outside ensue and someone is banging on the door. The voices outside are familiar, but Xie Lian isn't sure if there was anything amicable about having visitors right now. The stew had astoundingly become completely overboiled and burnt at the same time, leaving a strange smell.)

Hua Cheng: I'll answer it.

(Xie Lian checks the aftermath of his cooking. There is a purple liquid erupting past the lid, looking nothing like food) Do you think we can ask-

(Hua Cheng opens the door and Feng Xin and Mu Qing are panting, their faces red, nostrils flaring. Hua Cheng looks amused because they look like angry bulls. Xie Lian turns around with a ladle and is stunned)

Feng Xin and Mu Qing: (pointing together at Hua Cheng) YOU PUNK! YOU'RE HERE TOO???

(The three at the door stare daggers at each other, hands on the literal daggers by their side. Feng Xin and Mu Qing are still panting.) Your Highness-!

(They're interrupted by the smell from the kitchen, so indescribably horrid that they immediately cover their noses. Feng Xin's supports himself by the door with tears in his eyes. Mu Qing backs away and poorly suppresses the urge to puke)

Xie Lian: (urgently points his ladle at each) Feng Xin, Mu Qing, San Lang, do not fight here!

Feng Xin: I don't think I can- (starts coughing)...oh that's just evil, Your Highness! (coughing ensues)

Mu Qing: (on his knees, glaring at Hua Cheng) Why is he here?

Xie Lian: There, there let's sit down first. San Lang, please open the window.

Feng Xin: (dazed) I feel like I just lost my sense of smell.

(The quartet settle down by the table on the floor, Hua Cheng and Xie Lian on one side, Feng Xin and Mu Qing on another. The latter look around the shrine disapprovingly.)

Xie Lian: It's not much, I know...

Feng Xin: There is literally a palace for you at Upper Heaven, Your Highness.

Mu Qing: (clicks his tongue) That awful mat...does Crimson Rain still sleep with-

(Feng Xin touches his thigh under the table to stop him from continuing. Mu Qing freezes immediately and looks at Feng Xin.)

Xie Lian: (handing out cups of tea) San Lang is just here to help, really.

(Feng Xin and Mu Qing are still looking at each other, their expressions uncomfortable. Mu Qing shifts and backs into the wall beside him and Feng Xin lets him.)

Hua Cheng: Your turn.

Feng Xin: Excuse me?

Hua Cheng: Gege just explained the purpose of my visit. (Gestures to Xie Lian) As he said, I'm here to help. So...(looks at the other two) Why are you two dogs here?