denial. // fish and chips fanfic [jrwi]

2.

"Did you sleep well?", Gillion asked from behind him, as Chip poured himself a coffee.
He looked over his shoulder, quickly back down on his mug. "Yeah." "You can keep the blanket, I don't need it anyway.", Gill said, watching as Chip poured milk into the mug.
The brunette blushed, felt his heart jump as his hand held tighter onto the fabric of the blanket that hung around his shoulders.

He nodded. "Okay", he mumbled, taking the sugar jar. "And- And when you want to talk about the kiss, just know that...", he stopped, "That I'm here." "I don't know what we should talk about. There's nothing to talk about", Chip replied quickly, almost snappy as he closed the jar, feeling his heart pounding against his ribcage.

Gillion gently placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Maybe we could talk about what this between us is, I- I don't think it was just a kiss.", he said, before they fell back into pondering silence. After a while of Chip not responding his sighed. "Whenever you're ready", he added and the hand left Chips shoulder, steps becoming distant.

Chip sighed, hands both on the counter, as he started shaking a little, trying not to let this come this close to him.
He felt his throat tightening with the urge to choke out a sob, quickly took a deep breath to not give into it.
Then he took his coffee and went under deck, back into his bed, looking out of the small round window that showed off the horizon and a cloudy sky.
The soft movements of the ship helped him to calm down, the distant crashing of waves and the birds flying above made him feel home. He spotted the coin he got from Arlin.
He would've known what to do or could've told him what this feeling was that bubbled within him. Arlin always knew what was best.

He took a sip of his coffee. Gillions scent lingered in the air around him, as he pulled the blanket closer around himself.
It smelled like a late summers night on deck, warm with a gentle breeze and a hint salt and wonder in the air. He found comfort in it, felt how it soothed his heart ache.
He put is mug aside and buried his nose in the fabric of the blanket, closing his eyes.
His heart jumped and he felt a weird, fuzzy feeling in his stomach.
His cheeks felt warm and then suddenly, the door opened. "Have you seen my-", Jay stopped, as Chip jumped, embarrassment creeping up his spine, "Isn't that Gills blanket?" "N- No?"
She smirked, pulled up an eyebrow.
"So what exactly happened in the sanctuary?" "Nothing! Nothing happened and I don't care!", he yelled and Jay was quickly taken aback, lips parting in something that looked like shock. "Jeez, no need to yell like that.", she replied, "But seriously, why are you acting so off?" "It's nothing", he mumbled again and quickly stuffed the blanket under his pillow, stood up and took his coffee mug from the bedside table. He wanted to walk out of the room, but Jay closed the door.
"Sit down", she said and he rolled his eyes, wanted to push past her when she loudly repeated, "Sit down!"

His eyes widened and he went to sit down.
"And now tell me what the fuck is going on, cause for some reason it's always you and Gillion that make this crew live through those weird situations."
"We kissed, okay? The act of love was a kiss.", he snapped, "And he kissed me like a fucking god and made me feel like his mortal lover and I don't know what to do now!"
"Tell him that you like him", she said and he replied: "I don't!" "You clearly do"
"Jay, I don't have any feelings towards Gill, other then friendship.", he said and his mind agreed, while his heart protested in his chest, aching painfully almost as if to beg him not to lie.

Jay shook her head. "Denying you feelings won't make them go away" "I'm not denying anything", he replied, "Cause there's- nothing to deny." "Well", she sighed, "Please get your guy's relationship onto a level where you can function without yelling out how there's nothing, when you're clearly upset. We're still a crew and we need stability to work"
"Aye", Chip mumbled and then she changed the topic. "So and now, have you seen my quiver? I can not find it" "I think I saw Ollie carrying it earlier, maybe go and ask him"
"Alright, thanks.", she said and as she turned around she gave him a glance over her shoulder, "And Chip? Listen to your heart with this one, okay? It will know what to do and I know it's scary to follow your heart instead of your mind, but it'll do you right"

With those words she closed the door again and he heard her steps getting quieter.
He pressed his lips into a line and took a deep breath in, held it for a few seconds before breathing it out again.
Then he reached under the pillow, took the blanket and held it up to his nose.
He sighed into the fabric and thought about Jays words. It'll do you right.