My Darling Katherina

Chapter Thirty-Three

"What-" she laughed, "are you blabbering about?"

He smiled at her, something sick and cruel that made her shiver. As if he had discovered a secret she had been hiding all this time. "You're no fool, Katherina. If you can't admit it to me, it means you're denying it from yourself."

The voice inside her stirred awake at his words, a predator watching with wide eyes as its prey discovered the truth.

"You can have it all. Your birthright, your family, a future. And yet you choose to waste here and cry on how you can leave that all behind and for what? That confuses me, Katherina."

He breathed something deep and rich, taking in air he did not need. "Until you laid it all out for me to read."

The moon hid behind the dark clouds, the only light left were the stars that tonight did not show. But with just a touch of his shadows, the light inside her burned, making her skin glow like a candle in the night.

The voice stayed silent until the Darkness continued, intrigued by his slow reveal of what Katherina couldn't fathom.

It felt dangerous and poisonous of whatever his tongue would hiss.

A deep flame sparked alive, and Katherinas mouth watered, her skin itched and her head weightless. Her heart twisted and her stomach turned.

"In your Father's court they know exactly what you are. But they," he glanced down at the house below them. Where Hemera, Thea, Sahar and Caldor rested. "-don't."

Katherina felt her heart break as the voice started to rise within her. It twisted and fought to take control but she managed to push it down, physically holding herself back. Fire burned in her and power shined brighter until it ached.

The Darkness held her hand, his shadows twirling with her light.

"You're afraid."

"Yes."

"It's okay to be, Katherina."

Katherina shook her head, she felt nails pinch her skin, the burning pain of staying in one place too long.

"I'm different there," she whispered, "I wear a crown, I have these abilities that I didn't even ask for- and everything is changing. They encourage me to embrace the voice calling and to use my power that they all strive on like it's my ally."

The Darkness simply looked at her with his big dead eyes. Listening quietly when all she wanted to do was scream.

"I don't want to go back because- they can teach me how to live. How to move on and accept what I really am; But the version of what they think I am. My Father's daughter when in reality, I am just like my Mother. These people don't know, and they let me forget this cruel life I was born in and just let me pretend I'm someone else..."

The fire started to roar and shout to be set free, an animal in a cage so long that even just a glimpse of freedom makes it go insane and dangerous.

She cried angry tears of a broken heart, something so pointless when her family is sound asleep and here she sits on a rooftop trying to avoid a future that hasn't come. But something that threatens the present.

"Why couldn't I have been someone else?"

And she wishes that in the next life to come, she was. Maybe God's will pity her and let birth her from Feyre. Dye her hair brown, lavender eyes and tanned skin like the moon. Nyx wouldn't be her half-brother but fully hers. And maybe another will come along, make the family as big as possible for there was so much love to share and give around.

She'd spend restless nights painting the walls in her room, flying with her Father and Uncles. Playing with Nyx.

And they'd be a perfect family.

But in this reality, Katherina was a female with red hair, pale skin and indigo eyes. Her Mother was a dead, cruel Queen and she was just Half. Nothing belonged to her. She had no one fully, nothing to her name.

But with them; Caldor, Hemera, Thea, Sahar, the Darkness. She was someone else entirely. She has a family that was fully hers, she has a home to her name. She had Ziv. Everything was perfect.

Until it wasn't but if Katherina was anything, she was a survivor. And she'll live even when she doesn't want to. As long as they are there to stand beside her and hold her hand.

She'd drown if they didn't pull her out.

Shadows tilted her chin up, meeting their masters eyes, something soft in them as he took her hand, his physical form was gone, leaving only a monster but all she saw was Darkness.

Something of a gift that allowed her to see the stars.

He lifted her up into the sky, the village of Dawn getting farther and farther away and the Darkness guided her through the dark clouds covering the night sky.

Covered in galaxies of stars and constellations. All the colors sparkling as their design filled the sky with wonder. The moon was half full, which made it all the more enchanting with the Darkness eyes glowed with the same warmth as the stars. Shadows like wings enveloping them as one and he took her hand in his, his other at his waist.

"Then let's pretend, just for a moment, that I am a man dancing with an 'ordinary' women in the sky."

Katherina laughed as he phrased "ordinary" like it was venom in his mouth but she let his lead, and her tears lifted away.

"I can't pretend with you." she whispered in his chest, his emotionless mask forming at his words but she stood taller, knowing in her heart and mind that she cannot pretend him a man and her a women simply dancing in the moonlight.

The Darkness doesn't deserve to hide behind a fantasy, for he has been hiding all his life. She understood the tiring effect it tolls so she removes her hand from his shoulder and rests it on his waist. His own switching to her shoulder.

"I'm dancing with you, in the sky." And the Darkness smiles.

He twirls her around, laughter echoing in the empty night of peaceful slumber. Nothing could ruin this moment and it's forever written in her mind.

It's something so familiar and so them. Like the time they lived in the same apartment because Katherina couldn't be alone. He gave her comfort in a time of grief, food when she felt like starving and light when she wanted to lose herself in oblivion.

So maybe she was wrong, maybe she could pretend that at this moment, it was just them like the old days.

Katherina and the Darkness.

She doesn't realize she's back in her chambers until she feels the soft fabric against her skin, Caldor sounds asleep beside her as the Darkness bids her goodnight. She lets him slip away when wings hug her from behind.

"Feel better?" Caldor asks sleepily but manages to stay awake long enough for her to reply.

"Yes, thank you."

She rolls to the right side, tucking herself to him, letting him warm her cold, sweaty skin from the dancing and the dreaming. He kisses her head before cocooning her to him, mumbling sweet nothings in her ear. 

Katherina feels her heart swell. Lightly tracing his tattoo on his forearm that wraps around her waist. "Sleep now, Cal. Everything's okay."