Let Me Switch Places

Chapter 9 : The Mask Always End Up Falling

My heart beat back again as I saw Simon's disappointed and angry expression.

"Simon listen, I can expl-"

"Do NOT call me that."

My eyes became watery as his became hateful. He grabbed the paper and put it into his backpack as he looked at me in despair.

"I thought you were a good person, I liked you, I started to get close to you and now I discover that you're just a freak!"

I didn't even tried to stop him, I was paralyzed.

"I'm not!" My voice was shaky, my heart was tightening and I could feel pain in my stomach.

"Oh yeah? Then can you maybe explain why the fuck did you draw a half naked picture of me! Do you even care about what I could think about it?"

"I- I'm so sorry." I started crying as my voice sounded like a plaint at the end.

He chuckled a bit: "...sorry? Yeah keep trying."

I couldn't even answer anymore. The tears were rolling on my face and falling onto the ground. I couldn't think anymore. How did everything turned bad so quick? Only a few minutes ago we were still cuddling.

"That's it I'm going. Bye."

He jumped out of the window. I wasn't even able to stop him. I fell in tears on the ground and cried in vain.

But no one could hear my pain. No one.

I layed on the ground, putting my knees up my chest with my arms around them. The tears got more and more intense as I realized how much this was gonna impact my whole life.

The water went on the now wet ground as I kept shivering and tremble. It was so much colder in the room since Simon left.

The pain was comparable to a million elephants packing on your head, with nothing you can do about it. The only thing you were trying to do was to breath but the weight of the animal on your chest was making it heavier, almost impossible.

I couldn't feel anything in my body but the pain. All my bones seemed broken, I felt a hole in my chest, and a terrible headache made me cry even more.

There I was.

Pathetic.

Done.

Dead inside.

Ridiculous.

A mess.

Weak.

I laughed to myself. Not because the situation was funny, neither because I was happy. But because my life always have been a joke!

That's what my life was since the beginning!

A FUCKING JOKE!

I leaned my back against the wall, still sitting on the ground.

My arms were placed on my knees this time. I smirked as I realized how pathetic I was but even more importantly : that I had nothing to lose anymore.

After a few minutes of thinking, I got up and grabbed a paper. I wrote on it so quick and instinctly that it felt like I've been silently waiting to do this my whole life.

Once the plan perfectly ready, I grabbed the paper and hided it where no one could find it.

----------------------------------

When my alarm ringed, I immediatly wanted to stop it. I didn't want to go to school.

I turned the ringbell off and layed down in bed a bit until I remembered how I kissed Simon last night.

I smiled so hard at this idea and my toes started to move excitingly.

I then realized that I didn't remember anything after that. It was like my mind was a full black hole. We didn't... did we?

Nah there's no way. Even if I didn't remember anything from last night after the cuddles there was no way we could've possibly do it.

A terrible headache appeared as I tried to get up a first time.

I finally got up after some seconds, anxious about the loss of memories but excited about the idea of seeing Simon again.

He probably do not want to tell the school about us but just having him was making me happy.

Us. I still couldn't believe I could say this.

Are we even something? I mean except cuddles and kisses, we didn't really said it was official.

I prepared myself up, with that dumb smile stuck on my face.

When I passed in front of the mirror I realized my eyes were more red-ish than usual. Probably the lack of sleep from the last days.

I was about to get out of the house before wondering something. What if I showed Simon the drawing I made of him?

Sure, it wasn't really the best idea to give him this, especially at school. I didn't really know what his reaction would be.

I decided to take it in one of my book in case of. I opened the drawer before noticing that the drawing had disappeared. I searched for it for some minutes before giving up. I was about to be late.

Well, it doesn't really matter, I'll find it later, eventually.

I grabbed an apple and finally got out of the house, trying to avoid my parents as much as possible.

I started to eat my apple as my stomach got tight, feeling like refusing the food I was about to give it.

Weird. Usually my stomach is always welcoming of the few food I gave it, but this time it felt like my whole body wasn't reacting correctly. What the hell is happening?

I still tried to force myself to eat the half of it, I was still really hungry despite the refusement of my body.

The more the time passed, the more I realized something was wrong since this morning.

Headache, tight stomach, red eyes.

Nah there's no way.

Simon and I would never have done this. Never ever, not me at least.

What if Simon gave me drugs in the food to make me forget and then abuse me?

Of course I wasn't actually believing that. Let's just say it was one of my weird psychosis moment that even I, myself, don't understand.

I was probably just imagining things and all of those unusual things that happen since this morning. Yeah it was probably it.

I decided to just ignore that and put my apple in a lunchbox in my backpack, maybe my body will want it later.

I finally arrived at school. No one was here yet.

I sat on the bench and went on my phone. I watched some videos before some people finally got at school...