Learning to Let Them In | Fourtris

Chapter 13

"I guess my point is that I just don't want to lose you. If I did, well…I don't know what I would do. But it wouldn't be good. So Beatrice, please, please, please, don't leave me. Can you promise me that?" she asks. Out of all the promises that I have been asked to make, I think this promise is actually one I can keep. I know this is a promise I can keep. I still feel guilty about making Tori feel like this though. I shouldn't have done any of that stuff. Ever.

So, with tears still steadily streaming down my face, I quickly nod and throw my arms around Tori. She mumbles, "Thank you Bea. Thank you."

After dinner, I washed the dishes, put everything away, and cleaned off the table. While I was doing that, Tori had gone upstairs and went to bed, who said and I quote, "Today made me really tired. I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight Bea." I, however, was not tired at all. My nap really got me most of my sleep back.

I still feel guilty for making Tori sob like that. I know I shouldn't because it happened about a year ago, but I still can't shake the feeling of guilt and sadness. A couple more tears stream down my face, much to my dismay.I angrily swipe at them and head to the hallway with the panel. This way I can get some peace and quiet and I can actually think.

Even if Four is in there, I know I can still think because he respects that. He's not like Uriah or Christina. He knows when I need to think and when I don't want to talk right then. The other two however, will talk whenever they feel the need. I'm not saying that's bad, but it just isn't the most, what's the word….convenient sometimes.

By the time my thoughts are over, I am at the bottom door. I open it quietly in case Four is there. When it's opened I see that I am the only one down here…for now at least.

I make my way over to the bean bags and plop myself down on one. When I finally am comfortable, I start thinking again. Knowing that I am alone, I let all of my thoughts fly into my mind at once. It may not end up well, but I need to get some of these subjects out of my mind for a little while. It needs to be done sooner or later, so why not sooner?

The first subject that comes to mind is Hailey and Taylor. I don't usually let myself dwell on them, but after checking one more time to make sure that I wouldn't be interrupted, I decide to get them out of my system part way.

I can't believe I used to call them my "Besties". Looking back at it now just makes me hate myself even more. I should've went to go find some other friends when I knew that we all didn't have the same click between us as before. It would've saved some heartbreak in the end.

After the accident, I figured that I would at least have my "friends" to go to. I was wrong. When I finally decided to go to school, I should've known not to engage with anyone. No one had come over to see how I was doing, even though I knew that it had been all over the news, no one had called or texted me, even though I was one of the most popular girls in school at the time, and Hailey and Taylor didn't even try to come see me, even though we were all supposed to be "Besties". I should've known right then and there that something was wrong.

When I pulled myself together and went to school, the first thing that happened was silence. Everyone looked at me and all conversations drifted off until they no longer existed.

Flashback

I hurriedly put my head down and hurry into school, searching for Hailey and Taylor. As I walk down the hallway, I get pitiful looks but I also get malicious ones. I hate both of those things so I start to run through the crowds, hoping now more than ever to find them.

I finally find them at the end of the hallway, next to another girl's locker. It didn't bother me at all that they were laughing and seeming to have more fun than what I've had with them in years.