OUT OF THE RED ↝ dave grohl

one-hundred-thirty-three.

"Yeah. Things have been . . . sad." Reagan didn't know how else to describe the fog of gnawing pain that had settled over everyone. The words 'devastating' and 'shocking' had already been used plenty by every news outlet across the country.

"You shouldn't be alone right now," Ginny chided. "I called to see if I could bring Gracie back to you. We could spend time together, the three of us."

The opportunity to spend time with Ginny was in itself a treat, but it wasn't the precise reason behind the sudden stop of Reagan's heart. It must have held off for a whole beat before thudding again, heavier than before, pounding all the way to her ears.

An idea had snuck up on her, one that made perfect sense once the pieces clicked into place. It was less of a plan and more of a tentative attempt to reel in her emotions, but there was no better outlet than Ginny to channel them through.

If she was going to confess her ultimately undying love for a man, it couldn't hurt to at least start with confiding in his mother, mainly when his mother had become the parent Reagan had always been missing.

"Sure," she said, hoping her voice didn't betray a tremble. "You can bring her back now. Stay a little."

Ginny cheerfully agreed. After she hung up, a high tide of anxiety flooded Reagan again, but it was more comparable to stage fright than the stinging burn that had bothered her before.

As she raced around the house straightening throw pillows and picking up evidence of Gracie's discarded messes, she rehearsed what she planned to say.

Ginny . . . I'm in love with your son.

No, she thought dismissively as she picked up a pair of Gracie's shoes from the living room floor. Too cheesy — she wasn't a sixteen year old in high school, after all.

Ginny, I want Dave back and I want him to want me back, too.

Too vague. Maybe too desperate, as well. She was aiming for a clear and concise explanation, not a hopeless blubbering confession.

It felt important that she get it right, not only because it was Ginny of all people that she was telling, but because she hadn't told anyone else yet. Not Kate, not Chris, and especially not Jesse. He was her friend, but she didn't think he'd want to hear her declare that she was still in love with her ex.

Reagan had wanted to tell. She'd wanted to confide in someone, hoping that it would relieve some of her burden, but she couldn't deny how annoyingly fickle she seemed from an outsider's perspective. She hadn't surmised a firm way to tell the people she was closest to that she was dead serious this time. She wanted Dave back, and not just for a night, but for forever. Thinking about what they might have said in return had made her cringe.

It was important that  she was careful in how she proceeded with her feelings. She considered Gracie, who didn't need to be ensnared once again in the wishy-washy web of her parents' relationship. Of course, Reagan believed that this time around would be different, but she treaded delicately anyway. When the time was right, Gracie would be able to celebrate the reunion of her parents without the fear that it wouldn't last. Regan refused to do that to her again.

Standing in front of her bathroom mirror, Reagan inspected her face and tried to decide whether she looked haggard. She wondered if it would be obvious to Ginny that she was an emotional wreck, and not just because of what had happened on the eleventh. Tilting her chin down and examining her eyes, trying to measure how red-rimmed they actually were, she imagined Ginny being able to discern straightaway that she was in a bad way.