TW: SA
Am I lovable or just fuckable?
Because not once has someone tried to love me purely.
I've dated but not once was I asked out.
I've kissed but not once was I asked to be kissed.
Not once did they ask to touch me.
Not once did I give consent to be groomed.
Not once has someone asked me for how I truly felt.
And sure it might just be because my pasts have been to immature but that didn't mean I deserved what I was given.
It didn't mean I deserved to be touched in ways I didn't want.
My "I Love you's" didn't mean I wanted to be asked for sex constantly.
My "I Love you's" didn't mean I wanted my inner thighs to be touched, or my breasts, or my ass. Or my anything.
Because not once did my "I love you's" have a hidden meaning.
Because my laugh didn't signify that it was okay.
Because my silence didn't mean that I wanted to be pushed to the point of compromise.
They said they loved me but now I see it was all bullshit, because "no" doesn't mean try again later, or bargain with me.
"No" means Fucking "No" unless I say it's okay.
I always give my everything to love someone, I always give my bits and pieces, I always give them my heart trusting that they will handle it with care.
In the end they just trample, stab, cut, tear, shatter, and throw away my heart. Like some cheap thing they found on the street.
Am I not lovable?
Is it me?
Am I the problem?
Because I always thought I was deserving of love.
I always thought I deserved to be taken care of
and held safely in someone's arms.
I always thought I should be comfortable always, I always thought I should in love with someone who brings out my best and loves me at my worst.
I always thought I deserved late night drives,
Stargazing
Dancing in the rain
Cooking together
Cereal at midnight
Secret handshakes and looks
And everything people do when they love each other.
So In the end the question still lyes,
Lovable? Or just fuckable?
Hi guys. I think this is my longest one yet. Honestly I've just been feeling super down lately especially at night 😅 I'm sorry if this is depressing. I'll try to post happier content when I can Lmaoo.
Tbh I just started writing poetry cuz I love it and mostly just to rant.
Anyways I love all of you no matter who you are♥️ and remember if you know me irl, no you don't. 💀♥️
