Love is rich

You're gay?

Tw: implied suicide and brief mention of homophobia

~Nate~

"I don't know why you're asking me what we should do, you're the one who insisted on being in here." Evan huffed.

"I know I'm awful and it's all my fault now how about you tell me about yourself. It's kinda weird I've spent as much time here as I've spent at my own house over the past four years but I barely know you."

"Well what do you want to know?"

I opened my mouth and then shut it again, undecided on whether I should satisfy my burning curiosity about Evan's life or if I should be polite and ask something dumb like 'what's your favourite colour'. I opted for the safer option. I never opt for the safer option, Evan was already changing me for the better.

"I don't know... I like green but only natural like on plants and stuff. I feel like people overdo it with the colour green. I suppose blue is nice as well..." Evan trailed off, scowling into his tea as if my question was genuinely difficult. Maybe it was.

"Well mines red. But not bright red like a muted red. The colour of dried blood."

"That's cheery."

I laughed to try and brush off the awkwardness, I always did this. Spoke without thinking.

"Are you a tory?" Evan then asked. Now that was random.

I gasped, genuinely a little offended although it wasn't an uncommon assumption. My family is in the top percentage of the upper class and I just happen to be lucky enough that hasn't affected my parents strong moral compass which they passed down to me. I was a dick but I wasn't a tory.

"Absolutely not... are you?" I asked, just in case I had misunderstood why Evan was asking.

"Use your critical thinking skills here Nate. Do you think me, a gay kid who grew up in a council flat, is going to be a tory?"

"Wait you're gay?" I instantly bit my tongue, again with the speaking before thinking what was wrong with me. I hadn't meant to sound so surprised. I just thought all of Tom's family was like super religious, Tom and Evan included. The exact reasons I had ended my thoughts about Evan at 'he's cute' was because I assumed he was straight.

Evan cringed, about to defend himself since he probably assumed Tom had mentioned this to me, yet just as he was about to explain his bedroom door was slammed open.

"Evan have you seen- oh you're here. Nate help me get rid of these loosers." Tom slurred as he held himself up against the door.

I shot one last look to Evan before nodding and getting up, throwing an arm around Tom's shoulder to help him walk.

Within the next fifteen minutes everyone was gone from the party. I wanted to go and see Evan again, tell him that it was okay that he's gay and I wasn't judging him. But Tom was drunk as fuck and probably high too so I had to prioritise getting him to bed.

The next morning, after me and Tom had cleaned up the worst of the dirt from the party, he turned to me and asked, "So you were hanging out with my brother yesterday?"

I had hoped he wouldn't remember.

"Yeah just briefly, wasn't really feeling the party."

"Okay."

We lulled into silence and, although this wasn't uncommon, it felt strange and stiff. The air around me turning stagnant and hot.

"Right," I stood up, unable to last another second in the uncomfortable atmosphere, "I'll see you Monday."

"See you."

~Evan~

"What did you and Nate talk about last night?" Tom asked before the door was even fully open.

"I didn't even say come in." I huffed, turning around and jumping down from my seat on the window still.

"You weren't going to..."

"No Tom I was not going to jump out the window. Now calm the fuck down and tell me why you're so pressed about what I said to Nate."

"He was acting weird this morning."

I cringed slightly but brushed it off, telling Tom that he was probably just hungover. However I could feel myself beginning to panic, I hadn't meant to come out and I hadn't meant to make Nate uncomfortable. It was an accident.

"Nothing to do with me." I lied.

"Is that all?"

"Yep."

Tom walked out and shut my door, a little too harshly. Ever since I'd come out I seemed to be on the receiving end of Tom's anger and bad moods whether it was my fault or not. Tom had always been temperamental and usually it was fine but now that his anger was more directed at me I was starting to feel quite the extent of it.

Tom didn't hate gay people or at least that's what I told myself. If he did he would just cut me off completely, right? No, Tom didn't hate gay people he probably just didn't understand, was probably just trying too hard to be cool with it and that facade slipped when he was upset. That was all.

~Nate~

Monday rolled around painfully slow. I did literally nothing all Sunday except sit in my room and think. I thought about my parents and how I didn't even know what part of the world they were in right now. I thought about my future and whether I actually wanted to go into business. And I thought about Evan.

Evan had obviously assumed I already knew, that's why it just slipped out. I still felt bad about how I acted, after all I had sort of forced myself into Evans room and then pushed him for information and then made him feel uncomfortable. God I'm a cunt.

On Monday I'll apologise to him, I decided but that didn't make me feel any better. Maybe this guilt stemmed from my own reluctance to come out, I was hopeful my parents wouldn't care (yes they were shitty at parenting but not necessarily shitty people) however I was much more concerned about how my friends would react.

If Tom knew Evan was gay then he wouldn't hate me right? Although thinking about it Tom hadn't really spoken about his brother since the beginning of summer and they used to be so close. Lance would be fine, he was nice and he told Tom off once for saying something homophobic, but would different rules apply when it was one of his friends? Sam and Collin I couldn't be so sure about but I didn't really know them as well as Tom and Lance so it wouldn't be the end of the world if they ditched me.It would be fine... I think.