You Broke My Heart Mr. Bridgerton.

Ch 1: A dream shattered!

It was still like a bad nightmare to Penelopes eyes. Words that could not be unspoken and images that would never be forgotten. Just hours ago her bestest friend in the entire world had cursed her out for being an 'insipid wall flower' and for being the one Hated Lady Whistledown. Penelope tried to explain to Eloise that she had done it for her own good. To save her the ill will of the Queen. But of course her stubborn friend had chose to see it as the deepest betrayal and not even give Pen the chance to explain herself more fully.

As Pen sat at her writing desk, quill in hand, she was trying to put her emotions under control. What was worse...Eloise knowing her secret and hating her for it?  Penelope not getting a chance to explain herself to Eloise? Or the most hated thing of all ...the scene would forever replay in her mind and ears when she heard her beloved Colin declare to his friends that he would "never in his wildest fantasies dream of courting Penelope Featherington!" Pen didn't know what shattered her heart more the lose of her best friend...or the lose of respect for the one soul who had always been her rock, her shelter, the only man she had come to truly love. AS tears continued down Pens face she wiped them angrily away.

In a sudden fit of rage Pen threw the ink well into the fire. The ink smashed agaist the back of the fire place and Pen watched with some satisfaction that her anger had an outlet for a short lived moment. "Damn IT!" She heard herself yell into her  empty room. Heavens for a lady to swear was unspeakable but in this moment Penelope really didn't give a damn what was proper to society. Her heart felt shattered to pieces! It felt like the sharp edges were piercing her chest and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Deep down Pen had always known that Colin never would love  her as she was...how could he...she had fooled herself in to thinking he saw her...really saw her for her goodness, quick mind, kind heart...but no she was just the best friend of his sister...correction ex best friend.

 "Pen you are a world class fool! After a few minutes longer Penelope got up off the floor where she had collapsed and took some shaky breaths. What was done was done! She could not un ring a bell and if her relationship with the Bridgertons was truly gone now then so be it! Pen still had her family, still had her ambitions and now more than ever she still had Lady Whistledown. The writer was like the alternate self that Pen hid away, her true thoughts that she never dear voice out loud but now in light of things perhaps it was time she stood up and spoke her mind. One Could not hide behind the safety of society pages forever and on this the worse day of the first Featherington ball Penelope lost her will to stay quiet any longer.

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A week had passed since the Featherington ball and Colin felt a strange feeling. Some how the air just felt tight and uneasy. He spoke to Eloise on more than one occasion to enquire about Pen but ever time she gave him an angry grunt and walked away. They must have had a falling out but what ever could it be about?

Colin: Come now ELe what's this tiff about? Being childish I am sure. Poor Pen must be missing you dearly!

Eloise: What!!! Poor Penelope you say! My dear brother if you only truly knew your dear sweet Pen you...you would...hahahah Forget it!

Colin: I really don't know what this is all about so why not enlighten me please! 

Eloise: Why not as your Poor Pen yourself!

Colin: Yes well I tried that but she is not seeing anyone not even me these days! I say its like a bad dream its as if she is willing herself to be alone. Colin could not help the fear in his voice. He knew Penelope for three years now and always quiet, ever watching  him from some corner of the room with a smile but the last day he had caught a glimpse of her she looked so unlike his usual Pen! Almost grief stricken...almost sickly when he had called to her she turned to him and the look of what...what was that look in her eyes? It made his stomach turn and his heart feel like it was being squeezed. She was sad and Damn all things Colin could not take that look of sadness in her sweet face!

Eloise: What has got you so preoccupied dear brother...go to her if you are that worried and call on her in person!

Colin was starting to lose patience now...Darn it Eloise you know How true Penelope has always been to you! Ever your faithful listener and kind friend I don't understand what has happened to make three wonderful years of friendship just disappear!! 

Eloise: You don't understand brother! You

Colin: You are right! I do not understand! But I know Pen...and  if she has done anything so wrong she will apologize profusely! And ask yourself if the tables were turned would she hold you in such contempt as your re holding her now? Ask yourself that dear sister!  All I know is a true friend is very hard to come by and if there is a rift one should fix it....not just let it go!

Eloise looked at her brother with prying eyes now. He did speak with passion of late when talking about 'His Pen' Why brother... are you talking about me now or yourself?

Colin in true Colin fashion dogged the question; I will be off for a ride before supper! Think about it ok Eloise! And he walked out!

Eloise sat in her chair pretending to read the book she had in hand. Darn it! She hated being wrong and hated even more when her brother was right! But now that she had time to calm down and think about it! All the Things Wistledown said were truth...and in reality the Queen had been looking for her head but thanks to Pen..I mean Lady Whisteldonws sheet, it had diverted the attention. Perhaps she had been to rash as Colin has said. Was this surprising discovery really worth throwing away three years of long friendship with Penelope?  All the years they had hardly ever fought or had ill words, until now. It had wounded her pride more than anything else that Pen had been keeping this secret from her but really she had been keeping her secrets too! 

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To be continued...