Erratic | Mingyu

star: love, greed & betrayal

He sort of looked the same, but the joy that once followed him around was nowhere to be seen, leaving his aura cold and grey. His head dropped and slowly rolled around to Satine with his dark eyes solemnly piercing her own. He couldn't do anything but weakly blink as he took her in.

"Am I dreaming?"

"No, sweetheart."

A part of him was happy it was her turning up to check on him, it proved she cared. He so wanted her to care more about him.

Hoshi's eyes welled up with tears. "I don't know what to do, Satine. I'm fucking done."

"No, no, no, don't say that!" She knelt beside him. "It will get better, I promise. It's going to be hard but each day the pain will lessen little by little. My heart was shattered, and he was just a friend, you guys were like brothers. I couldn't even imagine losing Dotty."

Looking into her eyes, Hoshi clutched his chest in discomfort. "I just want the painful part to go away..."

Satine sat with her chin rested on the edge of the window seat, looking up at him with her feline eyes large and twinkly. Hoshi was trying to look anywhere but at her, but it proved near enough impossible. His love for the girl beside him filled every corner of his brain, it controlled every thought, every movement, and every decision that would play out in the coming moments.

"Have you eaten?" she asked with a proud smile. He recognised that grin, it would cling to her face every Friday night when she dished up a meal. "Food always makes us feel better."

"I'm not hungry."

"You will be once you smell a muffin."

Doubtful. He thought.

Taking hold of his hands, Satine guided him to the kitchen a step at a time. She consumed his attention, refusing to drop his gaze for a single second. She wasn't even sure if he was breathing half the time, but he followed regardless.

"Let's get some food down you, huh?" She rubbed his cheek fondly, letting him reach up and hold it there for a bit longer. She supposed he just needed the comfort.

When she went to turn away, he caught her hand and pulled her back against his chest.

Wonwoo's tormenting voice had ensnared his senses once again. Tell her.

"Oh," Satine let out in a little gasp as he pressed his forehead against hers. "What is it?"

"Satine," he released her name in a plea, "I can't do this anymore."

She expected the worst.

"Don't even think about it, I won't lose another friend. You can't do that to Mingyu."

He brought his thumb up to her bottom lip, pulling at it to stop her from talking. "No," he whispered, "that's not what I'm talking about..." Watching as her eyebrows furrowed, Hoshi's hands travelled down her body and landed on her hips. He was right in believing she would run away if he wasn't careful. "Satine, I mean I can't go on pretending like I'm not completely in love with you."

She would've been foolish if she pretended as if she didn't know. She'd seen the way he looked at her as if she was the only girl in the room. Hoshi had been so desperate that first night in a Dynaco to prove himself - it was sweet.

"What-"

"Over the past few days, even when I've been so crippled by grief, if I think about you the pain eases just a tiny bit. Enough to make a difference," he was speaking with his lips centimetres away from hers. "Every time I think about getting up and leaving, you're the only person that keeps me here. It's like I'm bolted to the ground."