Hot as Hall

Chapter Thirteen

"I'll take your word for it... for now." She teases. "But when I meet him, don't think I won't set him straight."

"I won't stop you." I stumble over the words, because she just inadvertently said she wants to meet my friends. Before I make an even bigger fool of myself, I change the subject. "Sorry about the concert getting canceled. That's a bummer."

"Honestly, I couldn't care less about the concert," Zoe's nose scrunches adorably, and she gives me a nervous shrug. "I didn't even know what kind of music it was or if we were going to like it; I just got the tickets from work and wanted an excuse to hang out with you."

Her little admission gives me a confidence boost, and I reach across the table for her hand, shooting her a smirk. "For the record, you don't ever need an excuse. I'm glad you asked."

"Me too," Zoe blushes, biting back a growing smile. "And I'm pretty happy with the way things have turned out so far."

My thumb sweeps across the back of her hand. "So am I."

Over by the bar, there's a scuffle, and I turn to the commotion. It's just a couple of drunk guys with big mouths, and the bartender sorts it out himself by tossing both guys out the door. When I look back to Zoe, there's a half smile playing at her lips.

"Do you ever get tired of being on duty?" She asks.

I let out a sharp laugh., raising an eyebrow at her. "What do you mean?"

"Your head's been on a swivel all night. Like you're always looking out for a threat."

I like to think I hide it a little better than that, but Zoe reads me like a book and isn't afraid to call me out.

Captain isn't just my title, it's become my entire personality lately—both at home and at work. When Gwen told me she was pregnant, I pretty much had to grow up overnight and I haven't given much thought to it since. I'm the responsible one. The one in charge. The one everyone looks to for guidance and direction. It all lands on me, good or bad, and it's a heavy load to carry around. Maybe it's made me a little uptight, even a little paranoid, but it's so ingrained in me now, I'm not sure I even know how to relax. I can have fun and let loose for a while, but eventually, that need to control the situation takes over. Tonight is the closest I've come to really letting go in a long time.

Part of me wants to say that to Zoe, and I'm just drunk enough that I almost do, but at the last minute I think twice. "I guess it just comes with the territory."

"Do you ever get scared out on calls?" She asks, pressing her lips to the edge of her glass. Zoe isn't just interested in the glory of it, and that's refreshing. I can't remember the last time I had an honest conversation about my job with someone other than Brooks or Riggs. One where I didn't have to sugarcoat the job. One where I didn't have to downplay what I dealt with on a daily basis.

It doesn't make answering her question any easier, though. "Fear is kind of irrelevant in firefighting. It disguises itself as adrenaline sometimes, and you don't know until after the call. Once you get to the scene, you're just kind of in fight mode and have blinders to everything else. Like you've got one mission, and the rest is just noise. At least for me. But there was one time."

"What happened?"

"A few months ago, we were called to a five alarm five a few months ago. It was already way out of hand by the time my team got there, and we lost a lot of civilians. There were more trapped inside, but the chief gave the order to pull everyone out, but I..."

The memory hits me out of the blue, like a punch to the gut. It takes me by surprise, and for a minute I have a hard time catching my breath. It's like I can taste the heavy, poisonous smoke in my mouth again. Hear the roaring flames and the static of my radio as Morgan calls for everyone to evacuate. Feel the moment my stomach drops as the beam breaks and the floor gives out from under me. I'm free falling again, images of my boys flashing through my mind.