𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐈𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐁𝐋𝐄 [𝐣.𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫]

32: 𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔠𝔥𝔫𝔬𝔭𝔥𝔬𝔟𝔦𝔞

Remus didn't want to be a cruel man. He didn't make James choose, tried to change James's mind when he said stubbornly that he wouldn't leave him, would never leave him for Sirius.

He feels cruel, anyway.

"I've got myself, I s'ppose."

That seemed to make James genuinely sad. "Oh, moony. Do we exclude you? Or Pete?"

"No," he said simply. "No, I think sometimes you just have people you adore more than others. And there's nothing I can do, anyway. But that's okay. I don't mind."

The truth was that sometimes he did mind. He often minded very much. But he knew that even if James and Sirius suddenly let him in on every one of their secrets, let him tag along with every plot and scheme, it still wouldn't be the same. He simply did not fit in their two-planet galaxy.

That was okay. He'd have to be satisfied making revolutions in their gravitational field, a moon orbiting its planet.

Funny, how Remus becomes the thing he most despises. There's definitely a metaphor there, somewhere.

James frowned. That answer didn't satisfy him, as answers rarely do with James Potter. But he swallowed his plethora of placations and useless validation, and wrapped his arm around moony's arms, squeezing him tightly until his head fell against his shoulder.

"James," Remus said, stifling a laugh. "What are you doing?"

"Shhh," James whispered, covering his eyes with his hands. "You want me to play with your hair?"

Remus sighed. "You are aware we look fucking foolish?"

"I always look foolish," James responds, trying to mimic Lily's agile fingers very clumsily. He leans in, as if he's about to tell Remus a delightful secret. "You're brilliant, moony. Really."

Remus closed his eyes. "Don't I know it."

Funnily enough, he does know it. And it makes him warm.

********

The first thing Brigitte does when she's released from the Hospital Wing is light a spliff. She takes a slow inhale, feeling the smoke fill her lungs, melt away some of the tension she holds in her shoulders.

Then she heads straight to the library and checks out every book she can find relating to OWLs preparation. She shoves them all into her satchel, carrying it up the stairs by its bottom because she has little faith in its splitting seams.

The Common Room is almost entirely deserted when she gets there, save for Mary and Remus who are writing frantically, cigarettes in hand. Remus instantly grins when he sees her.

"Glad you're finally out," he said, eagerly, "do you have a class soon? Have you eaten? Lunch just ended, I'll go down to the kitchens with you if you'd like."

"I have Transfiguration in an hour, I might go upstairs and for a quick kip before then," she says, accepting Mary's warm hug.

"Oh, look at you!" Mary cries, teasingly, "You're so British now, talking about taking a kip and all that! We're rubbing off on you! Oh, and let me know if you need my notes, love."

Brigitte nodded, accepting the Mars bars Remus presses into her palms and slinging her satchel over her shoulder.

When she gets to her dorm, it's so familiar and well-missed that she allows herself a moment to simply take it all in.

********

Remus hates having to share a room with Sirius. Remus also hates Sirius, hates every breath he takes, how he's constantly trying to get a moment to spew his ceaseless apologies. He hates that there are dark circles are Sirius's eyes, hates that he looks as empty as Remus feels, hates that he can't fucking hate Sirius properly, because he loves him.