The one in the shadows TMNT LS

Conceal, Don't Feel

Vickies POV (a few hours later)

Conceal, Don't Feel, Conceal Don't Feel! Don't Let Them Get Hurt!

It was harder then it looked. The ice cold pain in my veins, my room wasn't roomy and toasty anymore. Every inch of it was covered in ice. Including me. My hands covered in it, my hair had flakes of ice in it. I didn't know what to do. I don't know what to do! What do I do?! I don't want to hurt anymore! Especially them. I would never forgive myself if I hurt them. I wouldn't dream of hurting them. I loved them too much.

I sighed, the air that I sighed out was misty, from how cold it was.

Conceal don't feel. Conceal don't feel!

I'm okay, I'm going to be okay, I'm going to be okay. I told myself that every single time I've done this. And I honestly don't know anymore. Will I be okay? Will I accidentally hurt them? I don't ever want to hurt them.

They are my life, they are the reason I am where I am. They are the reason why I'm alive. I gripped the necklace they gave me. I could feel the ice cold pain going away. The more I think of them. The more it goes away.

Conceal don't feel.
Conceal don't feel.

I love Raphael.
I love Donatello.
I love Leonardo.
I love Michelangelo.

I love them all. And I wouldn't be here if it weren't for them. They are my saviors, my reason to live, my everything.

And if we can get through six years together, then we can go on forever. Because they are my forever. I sighed again and leaned my head against the door. I will be okay.

I will be okay. I will be fine. I can make it through this. I am winter.

And I can control this. For me and them. I will survive. I can survive. I will survive.

I leaned my head back. I can do this. I can keep it at bay. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. Just need to control it. Just so I know I don't hurt them. It would hurt me so badly if I ever hurt them. That's why I have to keep it at bay. I can't let it out. I can't. But it's so hard to keep it inside.

But then I heard the door knob being twisted. But thank god I locked it. "Vicki, are you okay?", I heard Donnie's voice on the other end. I sighed. I leaned my head against the door. "It's better if you stay out. My powers are going out of wack for some reason, but I'll control it, I just need time", I said softly but loud enough for him to hear me. For a second, I thought he had left. But I was wrong. "Can I come in?", he asked me softly. I sighed again. "I don't think that would be wise, I don't want to hurt you", I said. I don't. I don't want to hurt him. But there was a chance that I could. And I would hate it if I ever hurt him. I would never forgive myself.

"Please?", he whispered, but loud enough for me to hear him. As much as I wanted him to be safe and to stay on that side of the door. I knew I could never say no to him when he says please like that. I just need to be extra careful. I hesitated, but slowly unlocked the door. I slowly opened it, and soon enough, I was face to face with Donnie. His eyes looked me up and down. And for a second I felt self conscious. But that all went away with what he said next. "Beautiful", he whispered softly. He slowly reached out to touch my cheek. But on instinct and not wanting to hurt him, I flinched back. I didn't know if my cool skin would hurt him. I knew when I was like this, I could run cold.

"Hey, you could never hurt me. I think we both know that", he whispered to me. I watched as he slowly got closer to me. And I let him. I hesitated, but slowly leaned into him. I felt his warm arms wrap around me. I burrowed myself into him. He was warm. So very warm. I liked it. I felt him press his lips to my forehead. "See? You could never hurt me", he whispered to me softly. I just burrowed myself deeper into him. I didn't want to think about the chances of hurting him. But I wasn't. Not right now. He was okay while holding me.

I then felt as he wrapped his arms around me tighter and picked me up. And soon enough I felt the cool sheets of my bed. I clung onto him tightly. I couldn't help but glance up at him. His eyes met mine. "I know you think your going to hurt me, us. But look, right now, your not hurting anyone right now. I'm holding you right now, and you haven't hurt me. My sweet snowflake, I know your scared. But you shouldn't have to do this alone. I can help you, it'll be easier. I don't want to see you go through this alone. I know it's not the easiest thing to control, but we are here. Always here for you. You don't have to do this alone. Never alone. I know you experienced neglect way before you met us, but that's all over my love. You'll never have to be lonely again. I'll always be by your side. I promise. I am yours", he whispered softly to me. His words were soothing and comforting to my ears.

And I knew he was speaking the truth. I know I was never going to experience what I had before I met them. Because I know my boys were never going to be like the people that hurt me in my past. I know my boys love me. And I love them. I slowly raised a hand to caress his face. He leaned into my touch. "I love you. I am yours", I whispered to him. Suddenly I felt a lot warmer then I had seconds ago. I looked around the room, no more snow or ice, I checked my skin, it was a lot warmer then it was before. My powers, were at bay. Donnie and the boys love for me was the key. I should have known.

I sighed softly in content and leaned my head against his chest. I smiled when I felt his fingers running through my hair. "I'll never leave your side, I promise, I love you", he whispered softly into my ear.

I smiled again. He loved me. My boys loved me. And they helped control my powers. Just because of who they are. And because of their love for me.

I couldn't help but feel grateful for them.

I always will.

And I'll always love them.