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Ch. 20 - Avoidance

"I'll go check now," I say as I watch Negan make strides toward the serving window. I rush toward the exit as I thank Harry. "Can you have someone bring a bowl to Eugene's room?"

"Sure thing," Harry says.

I push the kitchen door open and look toward the cafeteria to see Negan walking quickly in my direction. I turn the opposite way and scurry to the dry pantry just around the corner from the kitchen. I'm not mad at Negan, I'm not upset, I'm not scared of him. I'm just nervous to talk to him because I can't figure out what is going on in my head. As I approach the dry pantry, I fling the door open and smack it closed with my back against the metal surface. I remain with my back to the door as I hear boots shuffle past, then push myself off of the metal and further into the pantry.

I scan shelves of canned food, one by one, in search of a jar of pickles. The first two miniature aisles bring me no luck, only cans of beans, fruits and vegetables are piled high on each shelf. I reach the back wall of the pantry as the door swings open, the handle hitting the wall and echoing through the room. I turn at the noise and spot Negan standing in the doorway.

"I know you're in here, sweetheart," he says, reaching for the door and closing it behind him. Instead of addressing him, I turn back to the water bottles and dried food in front of me. His footsteps draw closer, and within seconds I can feel his presence behind me. "What are you lookin' for?"

"Pickles," I say, continuing to scan the shelves. "For Eugene."

Negan reaches around my body and up to the top shelf, then pulls down what quite possibly might be the largest container of pickles I've ever seen in my life.

"Here," he says. I turn to face him and he hands me the jar. "Give him the whole thing. He'll earn them in no fucking time, anyhow."

"Thanks," I mutter and inspect the batch of pickles to avoid his gaze. Negan reaches for my jaw, lifting my face to his as he does so often.

"It's not a damn problem, baby," he smiles kindly. I missed that smile, which made me feel guilty. I shouldn't miss that smile. I shouldn't miss him at all. But I did. "Haven't seen ya around lately, you doin' okay?"

I nod.

"I'm gonna take these to Eugene," I try to step around Negan, but he shuffles in front of me and blocks the exit.

"What's wrong, hm?" He brings his hand to my face and caresses my cheek lightly. I missed his touch.

"Nothing, I've just been busy is all," I shrug off his question. Honestly, I don't know what's wrong. I can tell that Negan knows that too, he can see right through my lies. But, he doesn't press me any further. Instead, he tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"Why don't you stop by my room tonight," his voice drops to a whisper. "I've missed your pretty ass face."

I agree to meet him in his room after the sun sets, but I'm unsure if I'll follow through. He offers a kind smile and drops his face to mine, quickly pecking my lips. I can't help but kiss him back. Negan ushers me out of the pantry and walks back toward the cafeteria as if nothing happened. I make my way back to Eugene's room in a frantic hustle. I push the door open without knocking and Eugene's eyes land on the large container of pickles in my arms.

"Holy toledo," he says, standing from his chair and placing the game controller in the seat behind him. I place them on the counter and shuffle back toward the door.

"I'm gonna go lay down in my room," I say as I cross the threshold. I pull the door shut behind me and make my way down the hall and to my bedroom.

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