God Help the Outcasts: A Disney Crossover Fanfic

Chapter Sixteen: Eye of the Beholder

That Drizella is no more, she reminded herself firmly as the guilt pricked her eyes with moisture. This is a new day, and I refuse to be fake ever again. The problem was, she'd lived so long with lies that truth for her was hard to find. Who was she, really? What was Drizella Tremaine really like? What did she love and what did she hate?

I hate being used. The thought surprised her, but it was true, so true, she realized. She frowned as she stared at the cathedral and thought of her mother and of the cruel, black-garbed minister. I hate it when people treat other people badly for no reason. I hate the way Mother treated us, all of us, when we told her we didn't want to be used anymore. I hate it when people lie to me or lie to get what they want.

She realized she was scowling rather fiercely and took a deep breath to smooth her features. Alright. Now what do I love? Images of people and memories of kindnesses assaulted her. I love...friendship. Pictures of Nakoma and Esmeralda and Cinderella stilled before her mind's eye. Having someone to rely on. That's always nice. And kindness. Kindness for no other reason than simply to be kind. And people showing real love. Not fake love to get something from someone. Quasimodo's plight and the way Nakoma and Esmeralda stood for him against the people of the crowd was something she would never forget, along with their terrifying flight from the cathedral afterwards.

Then she remembered someone grabbing her arm, someone leading her to safety in the aftermath of Esmeralda's daring escape, and couldn't help but smile. Yes, Clopin was a friend to her. She didn't understand why. Why had he picked her out from the crowd and chosen to help her? If he hadn't, would she have ever been able to find Esmeralda? Would she have a place of safety to return to now?

She dammed up the flow of 'what ifs' rather forcefully and brought reality back to mind. It had happened. He had picked her out of the crowd, for whatever reason, and brought her to Esmeralda. And that was all that mattered, for now she was nearing the cathedral.

She focused on behaving normally and forced herself not to tug nervously at her sleeve or tuck her hair behind her ear too many times. Her careful steps echoed noisily off of the stone as she ascended the stairs up to the gigantic wooden doors. There were still guards at the doors, but neither of them were the same guard that had studied her the night before. They let her in without a word, and as the great doors shut behind her she struggled to adjust to the sparse light filtering through beautiful stained-glass windows. Now where is that doorway?

A twinge of panic sliced through her, but she forced her mind to go back to the first time she'd stood here, right inside the doors. Esmeralda had been singing, underneath an enormous circular window. She walked farther in and found the window. Good. Now where exactly had she been standing? She turned toward the pillars close to the walls and suddenly spotted the doorway, beckoning to her welcomingly. Feeling quite proud of herself, she set off in that direction, trying not to walk too quickly.

Once on the stairs, though, she darted up as quickly as she could. She couldn't believe she'd actually found it! Just wait until she told Nakoma—

"Oof!" She tumbled into a mess of limbs and cloth and panicked, struggling to free herself.

"Drizella?" said the figure.

"Nakoma!" She rolled away and leaned against the wall of the staircase in relief. "I was scared you were Frollo."

"Me, too," said Nakoma. They began picking up the items that had been thrown from Drizella's basket. "I heard you coming but there was no time to hide."

"I didn't hear you at all," Drizella said. Nakoma smiled and handed the basket to her.

"I've been taught all my life to walk silently," she said.

"This basket is for you." Drizella pushed the basket into her hands. "I can't stay long, Esmeralda says I need to come back as soon as possible."

"I was going to find the archdeacon, anyway," Nakoma said, and then peeled back the cloth covering the food with a hungry sigh. "Thank you, my friend. I can walk you back down the stairs, at least." They started off back down the stairs, arm-in-arm and whispering amiably. Drizella couldn't help thinking, as they talked, that she would have liked Nakoma to come with them. Maybe she could bring her back...but not without Esmeralda's permission.

"Do you want to come with me?" she asked as they reached the bottom of the stair.

Nakoma raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"I just wanted to offer. I realize that Esmeralda and I ran away and left you here. I would have to go back and ask for her permission, of course—"

"No." Drizella flinched at the sudden response. Nakoma laughed, patting her arm. "No," she said more gently. "I'm fine here. And if I need to leave, I'll find a way out. Thank you for asking, though. It means a lot."

Drizella smiled. It felt good to be appreciated. Genuinely appreciated.

"And just so you know," Nakoma said, "I can see a lovely heart in you." Drizella, taken aback, could do nothing but stare at her. She, plain Drizella, selfish Drizella, mean Drizella who had bullied a poor orphan for years, had a lovely heart?

"T-thank you," she said uncertainly, and stumbled away toward the door struggling to keep her eyes from misting over.

Beauty must truly be in the eye of the beholder, she thought, because I see nothing lovely about me. Nothing at all.

A/N: Poor Drizella! She can't seem to overcome the guilt from her past and actually enjoy her current freedom. This was a deep, heartfelt chapter to write--I relate to her in a lot of ways, and I wonder if some of you do, too. Remember to follow if you're loving this story!