Thinking About You

Chapter 1

She said I hurt her more than Nate, and I know what that asshole did.

And she said I was worse.

I've never felt so guilty in my life.

"We have to be on stage in five minutes," Mitch says peeking in the door to my dressing room.

He has a blank look on his face, and I can't read him. But most of the time he's annoyed with me, so odds are that he is right now.

"Okay, I'll be right out."

I comb my hands through my hair and adjust the rings on my fingers.

I find my gaze lingering unhealthily on two rings specifically. The ones with my initials.

The ones she gave me.

I smile at them as I think of her, but then my smile fades.

"I miss her too, but we have to perform." Mitch says still standing in the doorway.

I didn't realize he is still standing here. I nod and walk out with him.

Once the show starts I find joy in the crowd's excitement. I do my best to give them my all as I sing "Only Angel". It isn't until I'm around halfway through the set that I start getting emotional.

"Sweet creature, we're running through the garden oh where nothing bothered us. But we're still young I always think about you and how we don't speak enough."

As I sing the line, I try to push Cherry out of my thoughts. But every lyric in this song is about her, and it makes it so much harder to sing. The next songs are "Meet Me In The Hallway" and "If I Could Fly", so it's not like those will be any easier.

When I finally get to "Kiwi" I focus on remembering the good times and have fun. It is the last show, after all, it's still an incredible moment even if my personal life is shit. I end up getting so caught up in the moment that I have the band play the song two more times.

The crowd was giving me such good energy, I didn't want the moment to end. Playing these shows are my only source of happiness. After tonight, I'll have nothing.

As the band and I take our final bows, I'm still not ready for this to be over but I know it has to be.

I wave goodbye as I exit the stage and I can already feel the after-show blues coming on.

Before I leave I tell everyone in the band how great they did and how thankful I am for making these past shows amazing. I also thank everyone on my team. Sarah asks if I would like to go out for celebratory drinks with everyone.

"I can't tonight-"

"Harry we both know you're not busy." She says carefully not wanting to hurt my feelings.

Sarah is not pleased with what I did, but she still shows sympathy towards me. We've had a lot of conversations over the past months. She's been a great friend.

"I know, but it just feels wrong to go out and celebrate." I say truthfully.

She then went on for about ten more minutes trying to convince me, but I still had to tell her no. She understood, and they left.

I head back to my hotel. Usually, since we're in L.A. I would go back to my house in Malibu. But after Naomi moved, I haven't wanted to be there. It's too hard. She's no where in that house, but her memory is everywhere in that house.

I can't find it in myself to sell the place though.

I don't know where I'm going to stay now that the tour is over. I've been living hotel room to hotel room for a year. I'll probably make my New York apartment my main residence I guess.