His Heart

Chapter nine: Charlie

"Papá, can we go to the park?" Leo asked. 

"Not right now, cariño." I said. "I need to go to the shops. Can you stay with Maddie for me?" 

He nodded and I squeezed his hand gently, wishing that Jasmine was here to tell me what to do and comfort our daughter in a way only she could. 

~*~ 

I stood in front of the female products, staring in bewilderment at the rows and rows of products on offer. I looked at the young girl next to me, wondering if it was appropriate to ask her what kind she used.  

"Do you need any help?" A voice made me turn around and I looked up at the vaguely familiar woman in front of me. 

"Yes, please." I murmured. "I'm looking for something suitable for a fifteen year old girl." 

"Does she use tampons or pads?" She asked. 

"It's her first one." I said.

She nodded and reached for my basket. "May I?" 

I nodded and handed it to her. She started to fill it with various packets of always. 

"It's always best to get a variety, I don't know her menstrual flow but she'll work out how often she needs to change." She said. "I've included some night ones, too. They can get heavier at night." 

She handed the basket back to me. 

"Thank you." I said. 

"No problem." She said, with a smile. "I'm Lizzie." 

"Charlie." I replied. 

"Have an emergency?" She asked, gesturing to the basket. 

"Something like that." I said. "Do you have daughters?"

She shook her head. "Twin boys."

"A handful."

She laughed. "Don't you know it."

We started walking towards the checkout. 

"You go first." She said. "I'm sure you have an emergency to get back to." 

I smiled. "Thank you." 

I paid and put the packets in a bag. 

I watched as Lizzie paid for her shopping and moved with the natural grace of a mother. 

She smiled and something in my chest fluttered in a way it hadn't done in a long time. I got back in the car and drove home, trying to place this strange new feeling that I hadn't felt in such a long time. 

~*~ 

"Sorry that took so long, cariño." I said, entering her room with a packet of always and some painkillers. "Do you need anything else?" 

She shook her head and took the packet from me, heading for the bathroom. A few minutes later, she came out again and smiled at me. 

"Thank you, Papá." She said. "I'm sorry I yelled at you." 

"That's ok." I said, wrapping my arms around her. She leaned her head against my chest and sighed. 

"I wish Mamá was here." She whispered. 

"Me too." I said. 

I rocked her gently, wondering what Jasmine would do. She always knew exactly what to do. 

"I'm going to take Leo to the park if you want to come." 

She nodded and went downstairs to where Leo was sat on the sofa, waiting patiently. 

"I'm sorry, cariño." She said, wrapping her arms around him and lifting him up. "I didn't mean to shout at you." 

Leo snuggled into his sister's hold and she kissed the top of his head. 

"Come on, querido." I said. "Let's go." 

I took their hands and we walked to the park, I watched the kids run off to the swings. Maddie pushed Leo until he was squealing with joy, he jumped off and smiled at his sister. They spun around in a circle, faster and faster until they collapsed onto the ground, giggling. 

My little girl was now a woman. Can you see her, Jas? She's all grown up. We did that.

I swallowed back tears at the thought of all the growing up moments that Jas would never get to see. All the things she had already missed.

I'm watching, carino. I always am. You're doing an incredible job. 

But as I watched them, my mind floated back to Lizzie, and I twirled my wedding ring around my finger, feeling conflicted.

I didn't know what these new feelings were, but I wasn't ready for them.

My little girl needed me. I wasn't going to complicate things now. It was the last thing any of us needed. When we were ready, I would figure this out. But now? Now I just wanted to be there for my daughter. 

After all, wasn't making sacrifices for our children what being a father was all about?