The deep end

The first practice part 1

Rayan P.O.V

- I tore off my cloths and pulled on my swim trunks. I cloud hardly wait to get in the water. My dad had been a great swimmer before he died and I suppose that's why I do it to. Every time I get in the water of any kind it seems as if I'm in a whole new world, of no pain or confusion. Sometimes when I am in the bath I let my head sink to the bottom and feel the air inside of me expand all the way until I feel like my lungs will explode. It makes me feel at least something and that is better than the nothing I have felt since Dad passed. I don't know what was harder watching mom go through it or going through it with her.

Anyways water just what I need right now on a dreary day like today to take my mind off things. Lately I've been so confused and frustrated with myself. I just cant seem to grasp onto why. There's to much to be upset about that if I actually took the time to think about it all my head might explode, along with the rest of me. 

 I'm so glad that Blain is helping me with this, without him this season helping me out I'd be in last place at each competition. And in my family winning was one of the most important things you had to achieve. Without it you were a nobody. They we're all expecting me to win, I had to. It was just one of those things.

I walk out of the locker room and find him sitting there on one of the benches by the pool on his phone.

"How's it going trouble maker?" I ask.

"Oh, ya know the usual just sending nudes to peoples dad's."

"Right" We laugh and he runs his fingers through his glinting brown hair. "We'll if I'm actually going to get the three seconds off I may need to get in the pool."

He say's something's but it's barely above a whisper so I cant hear.

"Why do you say that" My face blushes, and I don't know why.

"No reason," He smirks, "Now jump in the pool fish boy you've got a lot to do."

Blain P.O.V

-His form is perfect all practice, it seems as if he swims with no effort at all. And he even makes those fuggly team shorts look so good. Stop Blain pull yourself together, you have to get a carrier first and the Maybe you'll have a milla second of time to think about boys. You're not In love and never have been. Just shut up!

I don't know what it is about him that just makes me want to rip his cloths off and attack him but, fuck that's all I can think of. I hate these feelings, because they always seem to come up at the worst times. I could never get Rayan to fall in love with me. You can't even force people to love you can you? He's obviously straight right? That's not good of my to assume everyone's straight but really I'm like 90% sure he is, I wouldn't say so if otherwise. Either go up and ask him out on a date or better yet to just have hot man sex in the locker room, but most likely I'll have to just do what I always do and pretend I don't see when flirts with my friends or when he wears his swimming sweater to school, or his dimples when he smiles. Pretend like I haven't felt this forever. That I don't know he cares about me, even if it's not in a romantic way. I have to just focus on something other then what I feel for him, or think I do.

Focus on grades and school and taking care of my parents and cat, and blah blah blah. God I could bore myself to ear talking all that bs. All I want is to get out of my normal life for a second, even if it is just gazing into those beautiful eyes. My day consists of the same things over and over, it's like I am living a pre-programmer existence at this point. "Great dive I blurt out and as he finishes the lap he tears his goggles off and throws up a thumbs up. What a morning, I think to myself as I sigh.