"sometimes you still look the same" i say to myself as i look at my phone. The pictures of you still come on my snapchat memories. I miss when you were happy before this accident that ruined everything.
I remember when i went to visit you in the hosiptal, you were staring into space trying to piece together what the doctor just told you. Its kinda hard to think you actually dont remember it.
I remember when you turned to look at me with tears in your eyes. "Howd they find me?"she doesnt remember calling me? "You called me remember ?" I said with sorrow in my tone. You shook your head crying some more. I remember telling you how pretty you looked. I wish i didnt you cried some more. "Im scared" you said to me fearfully while sniffiling. I was so scared too i didnt tell you that because i needed to be strong for you.
I also remember what i was doing before you were in this hospital bed. I was on the highway, i thought it would be a much quicker way to the resturant to be on time for our date. "Why tf is traffic so early." I said to myself whilest i check my phone. A missed call from you. You left me a voicemail, i listened to you frantically panicking. My heart started beating faster. I didnt even think of pulling over when i saw the ambulance. I remember calling 911, i remember cussing out the 911 operator because she kept telling me to calm down.
When i got home that night i pieced everything together. The ambulance, the phone call, everything. While in bed i couldnt help but wonder what if it happend to you on a different day, on a bridge where there wasnt a rail in the way. Fuck billie get your shit together. On a neighborhood street where the little kids play, Or the Angeles Crest in the snow or the rain? What if you werent even alone ? What if the kids were with you. Im so glad you were remote, and we knew where you were. If anything changed would you not have survived? But youre alive. Youre alive. BABY YOURE FUCKING ALIVE.
Although you dont remember calling me. i remember how pretty you looked in your hospital bed. I remember you said you were scared... and so am i..
