Damned if I do | Damned trilogy #1

Chapter Nineteen: Drake

He settled into what he considered his teaching mode. He completed it with a cardigan and spectacles. "Son, I was the first to sin. So says Daddy, anyway. I've spent quite literally the whole of time witnessing love in all its forms. Or lack thereof. It's not in my nature for such things to affect me. But, as your father," He pushed the glasses up his nose, "I feel obliged to tell you that you're in love with her."

My eyebrow rose of its own accord. "Nah. You think?"

Dad opened and closed his mouth a couple of times. "You know?"

I threw up my arms in frustration. "Of course, I know!"

"Then why in Hell's name did you let me send her home? I thought you wanted her gone. I gave you ample opportunity to butt in. Why did you not fight tooth and nail to–?"

"Because she doesn't deserve to spend the rest of time here! She deserves a life. She deserves a good life and a good death and a chance to spend the rest of eternity in paradise."

"Oh, I see..." he said softly.

"You see what?" I asked.

He nodded knowingly. "No. Yes. I see. If you love her..."

"Enough riddles, old man."

"Set her free..." he finished. He looked up at me with a grin. "Clever boy."

I had no idea what he was talking about. "What?"

"Oh, you clever, sly, boy. If I'd ever had cause to doubt your parentage, this proves it. You can only be mine."

"What proves it?" I yelled. "Not the wings? Not the immortality? Not the ability to bend hellspawn to my will? Not the whole portent deal? Not even my propensity for torture?"

Dad shook his head as he came over to me. He put his hands on my shoulders with a wide smile. "If you love her, set her free. If she's yours, she'll return to thee."

I shrugged him off. "She's not coming back. And I'm not going to get her."

"Why? What did you tell her?"

I sighed. "I didn't tell her anything."

He smacked up upside the head. "Stupid boy!"

"What?"

"She went home believing you felt nothing for her?"

"What was I supposed to do?"

"Spend eternity in a love-filled marriage!" he cried like it was obvious.

"Excuse me if I don't take marital advice from a man with multiple failed marriages, will you?"

"I thought we'd covered this? Children don't get to meddle in the affairs of their parents."

"Well, 'affairs' is certainly the perfect word for it."

He sighed deeply. "You do not know how I regret the traits you inherited from your mother."

"Can you, just once, keep your scathing comments about her to yourself?"

"That was not meant as a slight, son," he said quietly. "Your life would be easier if you only took after me. But you are half-human, and destined to feel with the heart of a human no matter how much you try to harden yourself. Its's just the way it is. I would give anything to change that, to make your existence easier, but even your grandfather cannot."

I took a second to get my head around that, around the moment we seemed to be having. It was the most intimate conversation we'd ever had. It was the only time in my entire existence I could remember him openly showing me even a hint of affection or attachment. Hot on the heels of Wren's loss, I wasn't sure I could take it. It was too much emotion for a heart that had felt nothing for too long.

"Don't," I choked out.

"Don't what?" Dad asked.

"Don't start with that now."

"I'm not starting anything. I..." He cleared his throat. "I'm merely taking a minute to...try to help my son."

"Can you not?"

"Well, I'd much prefer not. All this emotion is...unseemly."

"And don't start with that."

He raised his hands innocently. "Not starting anything."

I nodded once. "Good."

"So... What's on the cards? Some more personal torture? Put some more work into the Millennial Meme Field? Or are you just going to go and mope in your room?"

I was going to go and mope in my room. Not that I was going to admit it out loud. But I didn't need to, because I'd got my mind-reading powers from somewhere. Or someone. That someone knew the answer, and knew what I thought about him knowing the answer.

"Uh huh," he huffed. "And that room you did up just for her is going to go untouched until the end days, is it?"

"Maybe," I sulked.

When I'd first brought Wren back, I'd had no idea how things would go. I'd had no idea that we'd have to actually be together before the marriage was official. So, I'd made up a room for us to share, leaving my room available if I'd needed – or wanted – a space of my own for...my own stuff. Okay, it was sex stuff. Sex with not her.

If I'd known what Wren was like, if I'd known how she'd make me feel, if I'd known we'd have to sleep together, I would have just had her in my room. But I hadn't and, despite the fact our room felt more like mine that my previous room, I hadn't been able to bring myself to going back in it since she left.

Neville stood watch outside it day and night, making sure no one went in there and disturbed it. I wanted it left the way she had. Especially after our last night and morning together. Aside from the glitter and the immediately following events, it had been perfect.

"What do you care anyway?" I snapped. "Your torture rate is up like six hundred percent. More blood. More pain. More wretched despair. Hell has never been such a well-oiled machine. I'd have thought you'd be pleased!"

"Pleased?" he scoffed. "Really. What am I? A monster?" He looked at me pointedly and he turned into a literal monster. "Don't answer that."

I shook my head. "I'm not in the mood for your shit right now."

He deflated, literally like an inflatable Frankenstein, but didn't say anything as I turned and left the room.

"Afternoon, Master Drake," Neville said as I inadvertently passed him.

I paused and looked at the door above his head.

"Want me to open it up for you, sir?"

I almost took a step towards it. I almost nodded. The smell of her was becoming a distant memory I was clinging to like a man drowning. But I wasn't going to become one of those men who hung onto pieces of her in desperation. I didn't need to wallow in my agony, I needed to use it to strengthen myself.

Cadriel was on Earth on an errand for Samyeza.

So, if experiencing blinding pain wasn't available to take my mind off her, inflicting it was going to have to do.

"Thanks, Neville. I've got to see a bloke about some torture."

"Anytime, sir. Have an infernal day."

"Yeah, you too."