Kaoru sat on the bed hugging his knees to his chest, thinking about Hikaru and his first kiss.
They were fourteen at that time. It was during an evening when they were doing their homework in their bedroom when he suddenly asked, "Ne, Hikaru?"
Hikaru lifted his head "Hmm?"
"Have you ever....have you ever kissed anyone?"
Hikaru raised his eyebrows. "Why?"
"I just want to know...." Said Kaoru, blushing slightly.
Hikaru shook his head. "No, I've never. I would've told you if I did."
"Ah...."
After a slight pause, Kaoru said, bringing his hand to his lips, "I wonder what it's like..."
Hikaru closed the notebook where he was doing his math sums and looked at Kaoru. "Do you want to try it out?" Kaoru's eyes widened. "Try what?" "Kissing, of course." Said Hikaru with a chuckle.
Kaoru turned a bright shade of red and couldn't say anything. "Well?" said Hikaru, drawing closer, so Kaoru could feel his warm breath on his face. He looked into Hikaru's eyes uncertainly, waiting for the moment when Hikaru would say he was joking and burst into a fit of laughter, but it never came.....He gulped a few times, then curtly nodded.
When Hikaru drew closer, Kaoru's heart was beating so fast he thought it might burst out of his chest, and the moment their lips touched, Kaoru's mind went blank. It was as if everything else around him disappeared and there were only him and Hikaru.
Hikaru's lips were so soft, so warm and oh, they were so sweet. Kaoru wanted more of that taste and that feel, but before he was satisfied, Hikaru pulled away and smiled. It was a very strange smile that Kaoru wasn't familiar with and he couldn't figure out what it meant. However, he didn't say anything. Neither of them said anything, and they resumed doing their homework.
Kaoru sighed and hugged his knees closer. It's been two years and he could still remember the warmth of Hikaru's lips on his....and he missed it. Ever since that kiss he thought about it often, even though neither of them ever mentioned it again. He was almost sure that it didn't mean anything at all to Hikaru. That he probably just did it for the heck of it, but to him that kiss meant so much.
He loved Hikaru. He always had. Even though he knew that they were brothers, that it was wrong. He couldn't help it. He hated that he loved Hikaru and he hated the fact that he could never tell him even more. He had tried many times before to tell, but he couldn't. He was scared of what his brother's reaction would be.
And so, the burden of his forbidden and unrequited love weighed down his chest and crushed his heart. He gave another sigh and closed his eyes, wishing that the ground would just crack open and swallow him up.
"What's wrong Kao-ru!"
Kaoru looked up. It was Hikaru. He was so busy being miserable that he didn't even hear the door open. Hikaru sat on the bed next to him. "What's with the long face?"
Kaoru didn't reply.
"Kaoru? Are you alrigh -!" Hikaru couldn't finish the sentence as Kaoru, unable to stand it anymore, threw his arms around his neck and kissed him.
It was really late when Hikaru found Kaoru curled on a couch, his hands covering his face. After suddenly kissing him, Kaoru had fled from their bedroom and he hadn't returned. Hikaru thought he'd wait for him, but it was already past midnight. So, he decided to go look for him. And there he was.
He hesitated a bit, and then he gently touched Kaoru's shoulder with his hand. Kaoru looked up. "Kaoru," said Hikaru softly, "It's late. Come to bed."
The look on Kaoru's face was heartbreaking. He was ashamed. So ashamed of himself and miserable. He couldn't even bear to look at Hikaru in the eye. He tried to say something, but he couldn't. So he just nodded and followed Hikaru to their bedroom.
Lunch break in school found Kaoru left out again, while his brother was animatedly talking with Haruhi. He watched them with a very weird feeling welling up inside of him. It was a mixture of hatred and jealousy, anger and disgust -disgust, but mostly pain.
He felt so abandoned, so unwanted, so....heartbroken. He's always felt that way ever since Haruhi came into their lives. Sure at first he thought she was nice and it was pretty cool that she could tell them apart. But after sometime he could clearly tell that Hikaru liked her. Heck, he was obsessed with her!
At school Hikaru would completely forget that Kaoru existed and would spend all his time with Haruhi. At home, he would talk about nothing but Haruhi. "Haruhi did this" and "Haruhi did that", "Haruhi said this" and Haruhi said that". It was driving Kaoru crazy.
He fiddled with his food a bit, but found out he had no appetite. So he stood up and headed back to class with a final glance at Hikaru, who didn't seem to notice him.
