Tsukasa Tenma and his Well-Hidden Anxiety

ch.1

Tsukasa Tenma is a future star.

A star is someone whose name becomes a topic of conversation around the world, who is known by many, and makes people smile and laugh. A star is a shining beacon of hope and inspiration for those in the crowd, motivating people to keep on living, or even to take their place someday. A star never disappoints.

So, Tsukasa Tenma never will.

It had taken years of practice, of course, to get to where he is now; to be able to be the first one speaking, the center of the stage. The first one in a group of people to order food at the restaurant. The one who asks questions in class when they don't know the answer. The person that he was in his Elementary years could only dream of doing such things. All he did was let people down. His parents, for not being able to help Saki; his teachers, for being too scared to ask questions and improve; his friends, for constantly relying on them to speak for him.

But now, people can follow him. Now, he can lead. All of his uncomfortable encounters and embarrassing stutters have taken him to where he is now: The center of the Wonder Stage at Phoenix Wonderland, with a troupe of people that he admires the most in the world.

It was their final dress rehearsal before their next performance. For this one, they had decided to use the theme of halloween to add a unique aspect to their theater in comparison to the park. After their argument was resolved a few weeks back, Rui's ideas had seemed to flood out of his mind and into their script like a tidal wave. He'd think of a way to make it more dramatic, more interesting, and he'd execute it. Didn't bother second-guessing or trying to work around a budget or the condition of their stage.

He also started asking Tsukasa how he felt about his ideas, considering he was the one who would be the victim of them. It was nice that he did so; it was reassuring knowing that Rui put his comfort and safety before anything else.

That is, it would be, If Tsukasa hasn't been downright terrified of voicing his concerns since their whole... conflict.

All it took was one wrong move, one phrase said, and Rui had locked himself away from the group entirely. According to Nene, he felt safe with the troupe before then, giving them his ideas and receiving them. His own incompetence had completely betrayed that trust, and he wasn't about to have it happen again.

So, when Rui asks him if he's okay being hunted by a hoard of mechanical zombies while climbing a ladder to the roof of their stage, falling down there in the first place, and having various effects that trigger any sensory issues he may have,

He says yes.

"Hey, Tsukasa, I was thinking of adding this here as well."

Of course.

"Would you be okay if I were to-?"

Not a problem.

"And how about this part..."

Leave it to me.

Tsukasa Tenma is a future star, and an inspiration to those who will watch him. He doesn't disappoint.

He cannot disappoint.

So, he lets Rui do what he wants, giving him the green light for every suggestion he makes. The fear, the discomfort, it's all worth it to see Rui enjoying himself. Perhaps it was paranoid of him to be hung up on their one argument that happened almost a month ago, but the sheer contrast in Rui was far more terrifying and uncomfortable to think about than what he was making him go through now. If this is what it took to prevent Rui from looking that way again, then Tsukasa will do it a hundred times over.

Or, maybe he would. If he could.

He lets all of these ideas, several of which he knows make him feel... uncomfortable, pile up one by one. It was supposed to be fine. Well, if it's a gradual change, he could probably just get used to them all over time! And after all, doing it once will probably make it much easier to do it again.

It's supposed to work like that. Isn't it?
So why isn't it? Why isn't it getting easier?

Why did he, a future star and a role model to his own troupe, break down into tears in the middle of a rehearsal for no reason?

Why is he now sitting hunched over on the stage, hiding his face in his arms, as the rest of his troupe sit confused and panicked?

He was supposed to be better. His hard work was supposed to pay off. He was supposed to take everything that Rui would throw at him and more, to create incredible shows with his friends and bring smiles to the faces of themselves and their audience.

But now, they're probably all looking at his pathetic display with pity and disgust.

He really ruined it all, didn't he?

–

It was just like every other rehearsal. Rui would give Tsukasa his suggestions, ask if he was okay with them, and they would run the scene.

Another day of illustrating his depiction of their stories in the most enjoyable way possible. Rui had never felt so free, so understood, so happy as he did now with the Wonderlands x Showtime Troupe. Tsukasa really was the greatest actor he could ask for, and then some. He was willing to listen to all of his ideas. He was extremely skilled and incredibly confident. He also thought that he had pretty eyes, but he kept that to himself.

Tsukasa really was a resilient soul, to be able to keep up with all of his ideas. Time and time again, Rui had brought them up with other people and gotten rejected or hurt, or worse, hurt others. He liked to think that he and Tsukasa were a match made in Heaven.

He fully expected this run through to go the same as the others: He'd set up the new additions to the set, have the actors go through it, and see what changes he needed.

He certainly wasn't expecting this.

Tsukasa was going through the scene in which he's chased by a bunch of his zombie robots. While it was already good for normal standards, Rui couldn't help but want more. So, he added fans, and leaves, and various other effects to this scene. It was full of tension, action, and emotions. He wanted the audience to see exactly what he saw in his mind; a fitting mindset for a director.

After doing all he could to improve the scene, he may have finally gotten it down! He was so excited to rehearse it and see if it lived up to his hopes.

To Rui's joy, it did. For the first few minutes, He really felt like this would be the final addition he had to make.

Not that he decided to add any more after they finished it; but they never did.

Tsukasa had jumped down from the roof and was about to start climbing again. Or, he was supposed to. Rui watched as he just... stood there, and waited. He waited as Tsukasa simply didn't move a muscle, and the robots continued to get closer to him. He watched as his legs began to shake and he started to breathe irregularly, and finally decided to step in and turn everything off.

Then Tsukasa collapsed on the floor, crying away from their view.