Tsukasa Tenma and his Well-Hidden Anxiety

Ch. 6

Tsukasa had never felt romantic love before; Well, not really anyway.

He had had crushes in the past as much as the next person; though a lot of the times the crushes he had on girls weren't really crushes and he simply told himself he did. Any crushes he'd had on boys were either short-lived or just mislabeled gender envy.

Either way, they had all felt like an explosion within him. A small but noticeable pounding of his heart and a warmth in his face. He would feel nervous around this person, and a lot of times would think of them outside the time he spent with them.
Naturally, he expected that true romantic feelings would be similar; Like that small pound in his chest, but harder. Like the explosion he would feel, but louder.

Instead, he soon came to realize that it wasn't close at all. Being in love was so different from what he'd expected and felt before that he didn't even know he was feeling it until recently.

Crushes had always been quite exhausting; he used to hope that he'd never fall in love. After all, the time spent with a rapidly beating heart and spiraling thoughts takes up a lot of energy in his body.

Now that he's feeling romantic love himself, though, he never wants to stop.

Even if he knows the person won't like him back.

Even if he's walking to his job with that person right now, knowing that the words they'll exchange just might be their last.

—

Whenever he's with Tsukasa, Rui tends to feel that his eyes are drawn towards the boy like a magnet. Without even thinking about where he's looking, they end up looking at Tsukasa. He doesn't know when it started, but at some point Rui had to make an active effort to simply not look at the other. Who knows what Tsukasa would assume if he caught him staring. He might think Rui's in love with him, or something.

...Maybe it's okay to steal a glance this once, though.

But when he looks over, he's surprised to see his eyes catching Tsukasa's. He opens his mouth slightly, words on the tip of his tongue, as the boy's eyes widen before looking away.

Was he looking at me...? His heart pounds at the thought, which he quickly shakes off. Don't be like this right now, Rui! You need to be there for him...!

The two are silent for a moment, until Tsukasa speais up. "Uh... Sorry."

"Oh- it's alright," He replies automatically.
After thinking for a second, though, he decides to add, "... What are you sorry for, exactly?"

"I- uh." Tsukasa brings his hand to his neck, once again shrinking in on himself. It still feels so... strange, to watch him act this way.

... But then again, he can't really remember a time when Tsukasa had shown them any other side of himself.

Rui hadn't been there, but Nene had mentioned her being vulnerable in a conversation with Tsukasa. Emu also managed to tell them about her problems because of her encounter with him; Even Rui had learned more about himself through the halloween show they had, and felt as though they had all grown a bit closer.

Tsukasa was different, though, wasn't he? He was always there to initiate, or to comfort, but never to talk about himself. It's odd to think this, considering how often he seems to do so, yelling constantly about being a "future star."

...future.

Was Tsukasa ever talking about himself? Or was he talking about someone else?

Rui is pulled out of his thoughts when Tsukasa finds his words.