Engaged At The Moment ✔️

35: Trapped in this illusion

“You’ve packed already?” 

The slight hitch in my breathing was about as instant as his question. In the few hours he’d been away visiting Craig who’d broken his leg after drunkenly falling down a flight of stairs, I'd given myself a bunch of pep talks about what I had to do.

But still, I couldn’t help but feel a little timorous now that he was here – something which reflected in my saying, “y-yeah, I uh, I did that.”

You are an idiot, Aria Levine. 

While I was giving myself the mental facepalm I so badly deserved, Aiden was now saying, “then I guess I should probably start packing as well before I get the talk.”

“The talk?”

“You know, that type you love to give, that’ll probably go something like: ‘Aiden, why do you have to wait till tomorrow to pack? You should do it now. The early bird catches the worm.’” 

I betrayed a chuckle at his imitation of my voice. But I shot him an ‘incredulous’ look anyway. “When have I ever said anything like that?”

“I don’t know, let me see.” He feigned thoughtfulness, only to add an oh-so-innocent: “maybe a week ago when you made me pack two days before we had to travel.”

“Well that was…it was…ok fine,” I conceded. “But you know it’s better to be too early than to be too late.”

Not like Aiden heard me though, he was already chuckling away. “Yeah, that’s the talk right there,” he quipped. 

“Just shut it,” I retorted, shooting him a mock glare. However, it wasn’t long before I found myself betraying a small laugh as well. 

“Aiden, I didn’t just pack,” I piped up in the mirthful decline, the words to follow suddenly sticking to my throat like glue. It took voicing everything in one breath for me to be able to say, “I’m leaving. And I don’t mean leaving tomorrow, I mean I’m leaving like right now.”

For a moment, I was certain he didn’t catch any of that given how quickly those words flowed out my mouth, plus the fact that he didn’t say anything for a second or two. However, I knew he’d heard me when I spotted the way his features had assumed a look which I was pretty sure translated to: ‘ok, what?’

“You’re leaving?” He echoed, obviously trying to make sense of what I’d said. And honestly, he wasn’t the only one. 

Still, my answer was: “yes.” 

“Why?”

“Because I need space to clear my head.”

If anything, he seemed even more puzzled at that. And it was clear in his asking, “to clear your head from what?”

“From everything. Lying to your family, having to pretend all the time, it’s all so overwhelming. It’s like everything I’ve been saying and doing since getting here has been nothing but lies. I’m going from one lie to another, and yet another, and it’s just like an explosion of lies and…”

All the while I’d been rambling on, I didn’t realize Aiden had moved closer to me until…

“Ri,” he called, hands gently resting on my shoulders now. “Breathe. You need to breathe.”

On getting his meaning, I couldn’t help but betray a small chuckle. And well, I also did allow myself to breathe a little, ‘cause given how I’d been going off like a cassette player without a pause button, I definitely needed it.