Why are we like this? (Nick X Male OC X Charlie)

10. Breathe

"I didn't know something was wrong with me until Nick and Charlie pointed it out. One afternoon, we were hanging out in Nick's room; we get much more privacy in Nick's house than in Charlie's after Charlie's parents found out of our relationship; like I was saying, we were just there and Nick suddenly stopped playing Mario Kart and turned to me. He asked me if I remembered how we got together, Charlie stood up quickly and started scolding Nick for saying that but Nick gave him a look and Charlie shut up.

"I was nervous and confused so I tried to laughed it off, you know? It didn't work, so I just told them about the beach, about our first date together. Nick just shook his head and Charlie looked worried, Nick stood up, walked to him and held my hands. His beautiful eyes locked on mines, he spoke slowly, as if he was afraid of scaring me and asked again but this time, he wanted to know how was our first kiss.

"I didn't get it and I got upset, I scoffed at them and asked what the hell was all supposed to be about, Charlie got up too and explained that we had kissed several times before our date. He was trying to calm me down and it worked, but I couldn't remember our first kiss, in my mind it just started happening.

"I told them that and you should have seen the look in their faces, they were destroyed, as if I had told them that I wanted to break up. Nick made me sit again and he started explaining how we got together, not on the beach, not in the triple date, but with a panic attack. A fucking panic attack. As those that I could have sworn, I didn't have anymore.

"But that wasn't all, apparently Nick had realized that I seemed to forget things. Not simple things as my keys or homework or songs, I was forgetting full moments of his life. Charlie started talking about a time when he and Tao were talking about Tara and Nick before they got together and while that's not something I forgot, it looked like I was dissociating from them. He also mentioned an incident with Ben, a boy from school, that I didn't remember at all.

"There was also this rugby game where I stood there for five full minutes without reacting. And the panic attack I had with Charlie and Nick that led us to get together. I didn't remember anything at all and I got super anxious. Nick had to call my mom to pick me up because I couldn't stop freaking out.

"How was I supposed to explained it to my mom? She had been working hard for me to get our lives back on track and I had fucked up as always. Charlie stayed with me all the time while I explained my mom what was really happening, Nick wanted to be there too but his mom and him had a trip planned.

"My mom took me to my therapist and after talking and matching days in the calendar, she found out that every time my PTSD got worse was after a visit from the prison. That's why I'm here today, I got a new treatment that included medication, which was awful at the beginning because it made me tired all the time, but is helping now. Nick says I'm much happier today and Charlie says that I don't dissociate anymore.

"I had to go through some rough months and they were there for me all the time helping me to close cycles. It started as baby steps but I think I'm ready for this now. This is my last visit, dad. I didn't realize how much I was hurting myself by making me think that you still loved me.

"You may do, you may not, but I don't care anymore. I got my mom, my friends and my two amazing boyfriends that really love me and I love them back, and I'm not putting everyone through all that shit again because of a man that isn't worth it. I thought I was visiting you because I thought we could get our relationship back, but it turns out I was using the visits to self-harm without realizing it.

"Well, not anymore, dad. This is the last time you will see me for a very long time. I still love you though, I know I shouldn't but I do. It's more like I love the father you used to be. He will have a special space in my heart, but you won't.

"That's all, bye. Thank you"

Asher got up form the chair, there were still something left unsaid, but he didn't want to be there anymore. He greeted the guards one last time and thanked the guard that was holding the phone for his father, his relative had tears in his eyes and a mix of anger and sadness on his face, Asher gave him one last weak smile and left.

It was over now.