I'm Not That Girl // A. Bridgerton

A Bee in Your Bonnet

Ten Years Earlier....

"...Don't leave me, even for an hour, because

Then the little drops of anguish will all run together

The smoke that roams looking for a home will drift

Into me, choking my lost heart.." Alina held her arms out to her side as she carefully balanced on the white fence. She had been left to her own once again and after she had gotten away from her governess she grabbed her mother's book and made her way out to the fields where she could feel the sun and breeze. Hearing a snort to her left Alina turned to her noble steed who walked along the fence line, almost as if to guide the young girl. "What do you think Philomina? Do you think I will find a love like this? Javi told me that mama and papa used to have a love so strong that this book was made for them." The palomino mare shook her mane with another snort in response.

"Miss Alina!" The girl turned her head up and glanced behind her to see her father's assistant running as fast as he could over to her. His crystal blue eyes wide with the fear of her falling from the fence. "Miss Alina, please get down, you could hurt yourself!" He scolded. Thomas Avila came to a stop before her huffing out of breath, his once impeccable attire now disheveled as he ran his hands through his short hair.

"I am perfectly safe! See?" Alina grinned as she slightly danced back and forth on the wooden beam. Thomas moved forward with his hands up once he saw her start to move the fence.

"Alright, okay. You've had your fun just please...sit down at least?" Alina rolled her eyes but did as she was told and sat on the fence. Alina placed her mother's book in her lap and pushed her loose bangs behind her ear.

"Can I ask you something, Tommy?" She asked gently as she watched a bee gently fly from flower to flower a short distance from where she now rested.

"I don't see why not." Alina fell silent as the same bee made its way over to the bottom of the fence and made its way to the flowers that were printed on to her dress. The hem of her dress has already been dirtied but the soft blue and yellow swirls of color brought out the feel of the spring around them in Valencia. Alina kept her eyes trained on the bee and watched as it crawled around her dress, trying to find its next source of pollen with no such luck.

"Did I really kill, mama?" She asked in a soft voice. Thomas looked up at the young girl, surprised by such a turn of topic. "Papa says that no one will ever be able to love me...because I'm a killer. That they can see it in me-"

"Miss Alina..."

"Just don't lie to me, Tommy. Please?" Thomas stared at the young girl, he couldn't help the pity that filled him as he took in everything she had said. It was no secret that Lord Javalera held no love for his children after his wife had passed. Thomas had grown up around the family and as he was just a two years younger than Javier he could see just how much both of the children had been suffering. Thomas moved forward and gently grabbed Alina's hand.

"You are not a killer, Alina. You are bright, and loving, and caring and have the biggest heart I have ever seen. One day you will find someone who will spend the rest of their life showing you just how much they love you. Just remember that you cannot show someone your best without allowing them to see your worst. The right person will love every side of you, but you are no killer Alina."

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