Unanticipated. //STEDDIE (DISCONTINUED)

17

I cringed at the name she called me and felt Eddie's hands reach my waist from behind.
"So, we going?"
"Yeah..we're going."
He kissed my neck from behind me and I smiled. Eggos popped out of the toaster and he reached to grab them, handing me one.
"Are you nervous?" He asked. I shrugged.
"I know he can't hit me in his condition, but I'm worried about what he might say. You'll be with me, right?" I asked. Eddie's eyes turned sad.
"Yeah, of course I will. You think I wouldn't?" He said, reaching his hand to my face.
"No I do, I just..wanted clarification."
Eddie smiled and kissed me. I smiled into it.
"Well, I'm going to get dressed. We'll leave when you're ready." He said after he pulled away from me, walking into the bedroom.

°°°

We were parked outside the hospital. I was nervous to talk to him, justifiably. It was only a week ago I told him not to speak to me again.
I can't say I didn't see this coming. He drank all day every day, and he looked sick the last time we spoke. Maybe he knew. Maybe he knew something was wrong this whole time. Maybe that's why he tried being nice to me. He fucked it up in the end didn't he?
Eddie nodded at me and we got out of the car. I felt my legs get queasy walking to the building. I opened the huge metal doors and saw mom waiting for me in the lobby. She stood to her feet when she saw me.

It had been months since I saw her. So many months. She looked different. She was slinkier and her hair was bleached. She walked up to me slowly, and hugged me.
It was one of those mom hugs. Hugs you can't get from anywhere else. Hugs I stopped getting after kindergarten. It took me a minute before I could raise my arms to hug her back.
I missed this feeling so much.
She pulled away from me with tears in her eyes.
"I missed you." She said holding my face in her hands.
This feeling was overwhelming. This feeling of love that I barely got.
I remembered before she started drinking. When she would read to me. She sang to me every night. She made me snacks in the shapes of hearts. I missed that mom.
I wanted to say I missed her too, but no sound came out.
"It's okay, you don't need to say it." She said letting go of me and turning her attention to Eddie.
"So, this is.."
"Eddie, Eddie Munson. Nice to meet you." He said with his hand out. She slowly and reluctantly took it.
"And you and my son are..t-together?" She stuttered. I was nervous about how this would play out.
"Um.. Yes Ma'am." Eddie said quietly, almost looking at the floor. Mom seemed uncomfortable but she tried to hide it.
"Steve, I'm sorry, I just didn't expect you to be..."
"Queer?" I said. She frowned and nodded.
"It's okay. I didn't expect it either." I exclaimed.
"I also didn't expect...someone like him." She said to me.
"No offense." She said to Eddie. Eddie smiled.
"None taken." He responded.
"Yeah, uh, it's been good. How's dad..?" I asked to change this VERY awkward subject.
"He's.. not good, to tell you the truth. It's already at it's worst and it's incurable. He's just here so he can be comfortable." Mom said quietly turning to head up the stairs. Eddie and I followed. It seemed like walking a mile to his room.
I'm not sure how this is going to go, but it's too late to leave.

Mom opens the wooden door to his room. Hes on the hospital bed, with IVs attached to him. He has awful dark circles around his eyes, and he looks skinny and weak. He turns to me slowly and smiled.
Even though I hated my father, it still hurt to see him on this state.
"Hi Steve." He said quietly.
"Hi dad."
Mom nodded at us and left the room. Eddie stayed with me, and I sat down at his bedside. There was a slight pause before I decided to speak.
"So..uh..what happened?" I asked.
"Karma happened, son. The drinking got to me." He responded. He went to grab my hand, and I pulled away in response, but I couldn't keep being afraid of him. I can't be afraid of him right now. Not with how he looks. He couldn't hurt me if he tried.
I slowly gave my hand to him and he held it, squeezing it softly. I was shaking at the touch of it. He barely touched me without means to hurt me. I wasn't used to it.
"Thank you..for coming." He said. I nodded.
"There's a lot I've been wanting to say to you. I wrote it all down here." He said handing me a letter.
"I wrote it, because I'm not in touch with my emotions like you are. Like you've always been. I can't..express what I want to right here."
I look at the letter. It says "dad" in shaky handwriting.
"Don't read it now. Read it after I pass on." He said. I felt my throat tighten.
"I want us to be on decent terms when I pass. But, you don't have to forgive me. You shouldn't forgive me. I just want you to know so much that I can't say. But I..I love you. Okay? I always have."
I felt tears escape my eyes and Eddie wrapped his arms around me.
"You, young man." Dad said to Eddie. Eddie gave his attention to him.
"I'd like to.. apologize to you too. I was nervous about you..and my son. Because of what happened last year you see.. with that girl."
"I didn't kill Chrissy." Eddie stated.
"..yeah. I know. But, I'm not used to the whole gay thing, you see." He said to Eddie. Eddie shrugged.
"Well, just know I love your son. I know it doesn't seem natural to you but just try to see it the same way as a boy and girl." Eddie tried to explain.
"Well, Steve, does this boy make you happy??" Dad asked me. I nodded.
"Yeah, more than anything." He took a deep breath.
"Then..I guess I could try understanding. It just doesn't seem natural to me, but if he makes you happy then I want you to be happy."
I wanted to smile but I couldn't.
"I love you, son. I love you so much."
"Why did you hurt me, then?" I asked. He sighed. He had tears in his eyes.
"I..I had issues. I was messed up. My dad did the same to me, I didn't think it was a big deal. Not until you left, I started thinking about it. I just thought it was discipline. I shouldn't have hurt you. Im so sorry."
I stared at the floor. I wanted to forgive him. I wanted to love him so bad but it's like I couldn't. Like something was holding me back from forgiving him.
"I don't think I can forgive you, dad. But I want you to rest easy. I know what's done is done, you can't change it. I can't forgive you, and part of me resents you, but right now..just rest okay?" I said, holding back tears. Dad nodded.
I stood up with Eddie. Dad looked at Eddie's eyes.
"Take care of my boy, okay?" Dad whispered like I couldn't hear.
"Always." Eddie responded.
"Goodbye, Steve. I love you." Dad said as I walked to the door.
"Bye, dad." I choked out as I closed the door behind me.

°°°

2262 words
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