aghast edition : 𝑡𝑜𝑚𝑚𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑡 ✓

𝐈𝐕. stars on track for collision

lorelei was at a standstill.

on one side of the balance, lorelei felt like she was being irrational. she had never met of tommy or spoken a word to him, so why was her brain making her believe he was the worst of the worst? tommy probably didn't know of her existence at all nor did lorelei know about him a month ago.

this was something her mind made up, truly, and lorelei knew that. her mind often did this, but never to this extreme. nothing was happening, though, and lorelei was just blowing this out of proportion.

was she?

lorelei wiped her glassy cheeks as she looked up to the ceiling in hopes of stopping her salty tears.

was she being too irrational? is this justified?

on the other side, lorelei felt like this was morally right. everyone in her life has failed her in some way. whether it be her parents not being home on one of lorelei's good days, bill not talking to her because of a childish argument, or ranboo not picking up the phone due to time differences. calum was one of the biggest influences on this, but still: everyone failed.

she had a point in doing this. her heart was broken so many times platonically and romantically that at some point the option of medical tape to fix it, isn't there. there's not enough it's gonna get betters because in lorelei's eyes, it never truly does.

ranboo was coming back to london in four days, which meant that lorelei had four days of constant pulling her hair in stress and letting her eyes water over pure panic for hours. she hated it. she hated every minute of it.

amidst all this worrying and crying, her phone began to ring.

at first, lorelei thought she shouldn't pick up her phone. bill or ranboo could be calling and she didn't want to worry her friends with her burdens.

already, both boys have had to deal with lorelei's past traumas and lorelei was starting to believe the two were doing it out of pity. the phone stopped ringing after the third charm.

were they even her friends?

lorelei's head began to spin faster as her phone rang again. lorelei was still balled in the corner watching her phone screen light up with a photo of bill and her doing peace signs.

he doesn't like you, he's calling you over pity.

lorelei let the phone ring until it didn't. her mind was clouded, her eyes were starting to sting from her mascara dripping down her cheeks and once the ringing stopped, it started up again.

crawling over to it, her breathing still unsteady, she swiped the bar right, picking up the discord call. the music stopped as she picked up after the second charm.

"hey, lore! i was starting to think you were dead or something. i called three times!" bill chuckled over the phone, but lorelei didn't reply. she just closed her eyes, trying anything at all to get her breathing steady. "anyways, you up for some billzo monitoring?"

silence.

"lore?" bill said, his tone quiet. "you alright?"

lorelei couldn't tell him the truth. despite two years of friendship, she couldn't drop her mask sometimes.

"yeah-" her voice cracked as her lungs were starting to lose their air. "i'm okay."

"are you sure? what were you just doing before i called," bill broke through the speakers on his end. "and don't lie and tell me you were dancing to streetcar by daniel caesar because i made the playlist you were listening to and that is not a dance playlist."