Always Fight | Bucky Barnes |

32

"You doing alright?" I whisper.

"I don't think that question's answerable anymore" She responds. I snort and step back, casting my gaze over to where Clint stands awkwardly, his hands in his pockets.

He's different than when I last saw him. With tattoos scrawling down his arms and his hair resembling a mohawk-mullet. The difference is in his eyes, too. A haunting that only those who've lost loved ones in the Blip can recognize. It's the same hollow ghost that I see lingering behind my emerald ones when I look in the mirror. 

Even if we do get everyone back, I don't think it'll ever take away that ghost. Seeing everyone again has made me realize more than ever that we're changed people now. Sure, the core of who I was before could never budge, but I'm more sober now than I was before. Before, I lived giddily in the moment, chasing away trauma and demons with smiles and laughs to keep myself from tumbling down a hole of self-hatred and pity. Then I had Bucky, and for a while those smiles were real.

And now? I was forced to "grow up" in a sense after the Blip. DJ needed as close to a mother as she could get, and what was left of the team needed hope like rain in a draught. I couldn't ignore the trauma, the hurt, the pain. I had to face it every single day. I had to look it in the eye and work to change what it reminded me of. I still laughed, I still smiled, albeit seldom and not as true as they were when I had him, but I hid from nothing. I faced it head on and now, hopefully, I'm going to defeat it. 

I know that when Bucky gets back I'll find the happiness I lost so long ago, that the missing piece of what makes up who I am will come back and I can smile and laugh again. In a way, I don't want to lose what I found in these five years. I found a leader, a toughness that let me and my remaining family survive, I found a fighter. When Bucky comes back, and I get the sunshine in my soul back with him, I'll be keeping what I found. And I'll be better off for it. 

"Hey Clint, it's good to see you" I greet, shoving past the awkward tension hanging in the air reminiscent of the things he's done in these five years, the figure he's become. I ignore it all and hug him, making sure to hold him tight enough to let him know that I couldn't care less what he's done or who he's become. He's still Clint.

"Sup Snake Girl, good to see you too" He responds, holding me tight before pulling away and giving me as close to a smile as he's able. 

Words of apology over the loss of his family linger on my tongue, but I know how much I hate it when other people apologize to me over Bucky. So, I keep those words at bay. Instead, a mutual understanding passes between us over what we've lost before I turn and lead the pair back towards the machine. 

"If I'd known you were going to go and get tatted up I would've gone with you," I remark, glancing over at Clint with amusement dancing in my gaze, "Maybe get a viper down my spine or something"

Clint rolls his eyes, shoving me slightly as we walk, "Very funny, Beckett" 

As I'm laughing, he keeps a stone face as we approach the group that words around the machine, "At the very least I'd expect a mural of my face on your back"

At this we both laugh, the healing kind of laugh, while Nat just shakes her head at us and walks up to join Tony and DJ. 

"Five minutes back and you two are already acting like children" she mumbles, but I can see the slight upturn of her lips. 

Clint jogs up and slings an arm around both of our shoulders, pulling us into his sides as we come to a stop at the time machine that's nearly done. I smile, relishing in the feeling of having everyone back together. 

"You love us," Clint affirms. 

"Don't push your luck, bird brain." Natasha stays in his hold, though. Both of us have missed this, both of us have been more than lonely in this massive compound. 

"Well, if you three are done with your play date the big kids could really use your help," Tony calls out, setting down a wrench that's in his hand and staring at us like the mother that he truly is on the inside. 

"I'll go see if Scott needs some help with Bruce and Rhodey." Clint nods to us, before walking away towards where they prep Scott for the trial run. When he does, Tony and Rocket give us varying tasks to finish. As Nat and I go about helping the team put the finishing touches on the machine that gleams like a second chance, Nat slips into an uncharacteristically long silence. I can practically feel her ruminating.

"What's going on in your head?" I ask casually, still tinkering with the small task I was given. 

"I don't know, it's just..." She pauses, and the hesitation in her tone is enough to make me pause and look over at her, "I just have this weird feeling about all of this."

I furrow my brows, leaning against the time machine, "Like we'll lose again?" 

"No, not that we'll lose." Nat presses her lips together, bringing her plagued gaze up to meet mine. Something in her eyes stops me, almost like she knows something's coming. "Not in that way"

"You're talking in riddles, Romanoff. Is everything alright?" I ask, suddenly feeling concerned at the odd behavior. She looks as though she shrugs off whatever thoughts are haunting her and smiles at me. 

"Yeah, don't worry about it. I'm sure it's nothing"

"Okay," I finally respond hesitantly, searching her one more time before turning back to my job. 

We work for a while before Bruce and the others come back in, saying Clint is taking Scott's place in the trial run. Probably for the best, considering what we put Scott through with the first run. It's not long after Clint comes back out in the time travel suit, the white material lined with red that's reminiscent of the logo we all once bore together. They prepare everything for Clint's trial run, but before they send him off, Nat comes up by my side and takes my hand. Before I can even close my hand around hers, she's slipping a piece of paper into my palm. My face tightens in confusion and I turn to her.

"Nat, what's-"

"Just in case things go sideways," She cuts in, looking over at me with an almost serene smile that sets me on edge about something that I can't quite place, "You stuck by my side all these years, and I don't think I would've made it if I didn't have you"

Surprising tears edge my eyes as I squeeze her hand still in mine, the piece of paper still in my palm, "Same to you. You're the sister I never had" 

She holds my hand a second longer before nodding and letting go, wiping away a tear that streaked down her cheek. 

"Which means you're naming you and Terminator's first kid after me, right?" 

I snort in laughter, nudging her shoulder as we both look to Clint, who climbs on top of the machine. 

"Is there anything else to name them?"

She smiles, and we both watch as Tony, Bruce, and DJ prepare to send Clint into perhaps the most important trip of his life. The trip to see if, after five, long years, we can finally find what we thought was lost.