Dear You // LipSoul

entry 4: [redacted]

"So," Jinsoul actually has no idea how she should say this, only that if she doesn't get it out it might kill her. "I think I like Jungeun,"

Sooyoung hums, picking at her pad Thai.

"Like, romantically," Jinsoul clarifies. "Like...I literally can't think when she's around because she's just so cute, except for when she's so attractive I literally can't even breathe-"

"I get it, thank you,"

Except Jinsoul was now feeling the weight of that confession fully hitting her, and her breath was rapid. "Sooyoung, I think I might be gay,"

Sooyoung looks up this time, frowning when she sees how distressed Jinsoul is. It's not like this was a well kept secret on Jinsoul's part, it'd been pretty obvious for months. Sooyoung was already accustomed to the idea that her best friend was crushing on the pink-haired girl, but it was clearly the first time Jinsoul had told anyone. "Hey, it's okay-"

"No it's not," Jinsoul drops her chopsticks and puts her head in her hands. "I've been living a lie my entire life and now...now I'm not even sure who I am, what the fuck I'm even doing-"

Sooyoung stood up and went over to Jinsoul's chair, kneeling beside her and taking her hand. "Jinsoul, look at me,"

Jinsoul sniffled and turned to her.

"Your life has not been a lie, just because you only found out now doesn't make it any less real. You were pushing it down, but that doesn't make you any less gay," She smiled. "Come on, I'm your best friend. I've known for a while that Jungeun's special to you,"

"H-how?"

Sooyoung almost laughs. "You treat her differently, you look at her differently too. I thought you two were gonna start making out on the taxi ride the other day," 

"Oh god," Jinsoul buries her face in her hands, wishing to die. "That was so awkward,"

"I'm serious," Sooyoung softens and hugs Jinsoul. "I can see that you care about her, and I'm here for you. You were there for me when I was going through it with Haseul. You can talk to me about this stuff, you know,"

Jinsoul smiles and then swallows hard. "How...how long did you know?"

"Since the movie night," Sooyoung shrugs. "You two are just different around each other. You seem happier,"

Jinsoul can't help but blush at the idea that other people notice how happy Jungeun makes her. "I really really like her,"

"Took you long enough," Sooyoung says playfully, nudging her as she stands up. "I thought you were gonna be in denial for a while longer,"

"I don't know what to do now," Jinsoul says quietly. 

"Tell her?" Sooyoung suggests before taking a bite of her food. 

Jinsoul thinks back to their nights out, to the movie night and the facetime call. She thinks of the soft smile Jungeun gives her, of the little rants in her ear when Jungeun was trying to talk herself out of being scared. She thought of Jungeun's drunken giggles as Jinsoul ushered her into a taxi, the way she'd held the younger close in the club. 

What if it all disappeared when Jungeun knew the truth?

"I think," Jinsoul chewed her lip. "I understand the author of the diary now,"

"Hm?"

"I need her in my life, and telling her is risking everything," Jinsoul fiddled with her fingers. 

I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me without the fear of losing you. How am I supposed to tell you how it feels to look at you and feel like I've got my whole world right next to me?