Mosaicked Feelings

Afterword

And that was when the anxiety kicked inside me again, which followed the sudden realisation. The fact that I had to face so many people knowing about this incident, was equally unsettling than being alive. I knew everyone was going to hate me even more now. And they would finally think I was crazy. It scared me to death thinking how I was going to deal with them. And more specifically, how Mum was going to react to this.

I mentally prepared myself for what was to come through them, most probably something along the lines of, how could I be so selfish for trying to unalive myself.

I felt upset. Entirely, to the core, upset. Hayden, who I thought was my only saving Grace, had promised me he would help me, and this is what happened instead. He made everything worse than it already was. I didn't even want to trust him anymore now, that if he came back again. I didn't want to talk to anyone at this point, let alone trust, and instead, I just wanted to run away to an isolated place and away from any human populace.

Hours went by with the doctors and nurses checking up on me, and finally, he was allowed in again, looking like a sharp contrast to the white-clothed doctors, followed by no sign or indication of Mum. The devastation in his aura was slightly overcome by seeing me again. He lightly stumbled towards my stretcher, a half-burnt cigarette in his left hand. He collapsed on the stool again beside me, remaining silent for what felt like ages, quietly contemplating something while staring at a corner in the wall.

It seemed a long time had passed before his hoarse voice cut in. "Why Michelle... Why?" He asked lowly, his voice reeking of pain.

Because I didn't feel safe anymore.

Because no one seemed to believe me about whatever had happened.

Because everyone thought I was crazy.

Because there were people out there who wanted to kill me.

Because that was the only way out that I knew of.

Because that was the only way I could live again.

But all these answers were as futile of attempts to convince him as they were before, so I didn't bother to answer. I nervously wrung my fingers together, looking down intently at the sheets covering me. "I don't know..." I replied with an equally hurting tone, my voice sounding raspy from not speaking. He gave me a look, trying to analyse or interpret something out of me.

"Where's mum?" I meekly asked again, when I realised Edward wasn't going to let me off the hook so easily about it, considering his expectant expression.

The reaction from him instead was that of hurt and a transparent grimace, followed by an exaggerated sigh. "Let's not talk about that."

"What..." I blurted, my voice getting caught up with the hurtfulness. "Tell me, where is mum?" I formulated more assertively.

"Michelle-"

"Edward, should I ask the doctors? Or wait, I should call her,"

"Overdose on some pills," He answered grimly. "That's what happened,"

"What?" I blinked, unable to believe or comprehend any of what he was saying. The realisation struck me that it could have to do with something related to her... Not being here anymore. "How is that possible?" I whispered more to myself, staring at him wide-eyed.

That was the point my numbing feeling was replaced by an ache in my chest, with my mind unable to register the information.

"She couldn't handle the news of you trying to... You know, hurt yourself... So she just did it as well. You were the last of her family..." He exhaled breathlessly. "I wish I could stop her, but I didn't know about it until it was too late,"