helluva boss x human reader:the Adventures of y/n And the IMP(discontinued)

helluva boss pilot

(warning: their are some disturbing scenes in this book if you do not feel comfortable with it then don't read it)The scene opens with a city shot that slowly zooms in on the immediate murder professionals buildings. Card honking can be heard in the background. The scene transition to a closed door, with a sign that says "meeting in progress". Inside blitzø is walking by a whiteboard on the wall as he lectures his employees blitzø:alright, now, I know business has been...a bit slow lately, yes, it's no ones fault, okay? I'm not naming any names here,...looks at moxxie moxxie. Moxxie gives him a "what the hell?" look, y/n snickers softly as they go back to looking at they're phone, Moxxie gives them a glare now, does anyone have any bright ideas? On how we can get business drummin' up again? Millie: what about a car wash! Y/n:Millie this*gestures around them*is hell I don't think anyone is gonna give a flying fuck about a car wash. Blitzø:exactly*looks at y/n*you got any bright ideas y/n? Y/n:*hums softly*how about an advertisement? Blitzø:nah we already did that. Ooh what about a billboard?*makes a gesture with his hands as his eyes sparkle*moxxie:we can't afford a billboard sir. Blitzø:helpful Moxxie. Really glad you're in the room right now,*shoves moxxie away*have you guys forgotten what service we provide? Blitzø turns on the tv that shows the IMP crew and y/n brutally mudering people from the overworld as they are paid to do. Blitzø whacks a man in the face with a mallet, Moxxie is blown away firing a gun through a mouth of a man tied to a chair, loona swings a man back and forth in her mouth, and Millie is seen decapitating a man's head,with a harpoon and laughs, y/n is seen smashing a man's skull in with they're old bass(guitar)
Then it zooms out to everyone watching the tv with loona Millie blitzø and y/n eating popcorn Blitzø:ahh, those were the good times. Moxxie: I don't need reminding, sir, considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious tv add last week. One that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel nobody watches blitzø:uh, hey, excuse me. What's "obnoxious" about a super-fun jingle, all right? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement is spittin' bullshit! Y/n:...that is true*nods* Millie: and besides people love musicals sir. Blitzø:exactly y/n, millie! And we're basically doin' a musical*does jazz hands*are you gonna crush my musical theatre dreams like my dad did? Moxxie:sir-- Blitzø:'cause right now, all I see is just my dad's asshole talking to me crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside. Y/n:I swear half the shit you say is really concerning. Millie:are you tryin' to crush his dreams moxxie? Moxxie:I--what Millie: I thought I knew you*she playfully's stick's her tongue out at moxxie, as her tail flicks Moxxie just rolls his eyes  affectionately*Blitzø:I can't believe you Moxxie*he holds up an ugly picture of Moxxie the frame has written on it"employee of the month" written on it*after I made you employee of the month! Moxxie:okay, sir I'm sorry but a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theatre nobody actually likes the jingle y/n and Millie: we liked it. Moxxie:do not--*points at y/n and Millie*do not agree with him in front of me! The scene cuts to the IMP commercial Blitzø:hi, there! I'm Blitzø the "o" is silent and I'm the founder of IMP *gestures to the logo as it appears on the screen than disappears,*a picture of Blitzø can be seen wearing two top hats over his horns a monocle and twiddling a fake mustash while standing outside of a burning building with a sign that says"orphanage for elderly blind newborn dogs" appears Blitzø:are you a piece of shit that got yourself sent to tell the picture changes to one where Blitzø is wearing an Angel costume at a coffeehouse happily throwing an empty coffee cup in a trash can, instead of the recycling bin right next to it. Or are you an innocent soul who got FUCKED over by someone else?! The commercial cuts to a demon guy wearing an ohio sports jersey, giving a testimonial while Blitzø holds a cardboard sign in frame that reads"some guy who hired us!!" demon guy:after lovingly killing my wife for*in demonic voice*FUCKING THE DELIVERMAN*normal voice*you can imagine my surprise when I wound up here after the state of ohio killed me! I really wish I could stick it to that*in demonic voice*YAPPY JOGGER*in normal voice*who saw me hiding the body! Blitzø is speaking to the camera and holding the grimoire while Millie and Moxxie light the candles, y/n can be seen in the background smoking a cigarette. Blitzø:*to camera*well luckily for you, thanks to our company's special access to the living world Blitzø eyes narrow as he does a magical gesture with his left hand and a flaming portal appears in the floor. Millie and Moxxie are blown out of sight as y/n stands they're ground he walks up to the portal and gestures for y/n to come with him y/n:we can help you take care any of your unfinished business by taking out anyone who screwed you over when you were alive!*Blitzø falls backwards into the portal as y/n jumps in*the scene transition to a person with their arms crossed and a thought bubble appears depicting another person being crossed out as the commercial jingle plays in the background. Y/n singing: when you want somebody gone,*a dead body falls near the person as they notice and look up*y/n singing: and you don't want to wait to long,*moxxie, Blitzø Millie and y/n are shown in the logo. Blitzø holds his arms out as Moxxie holds up his rifle Millie holds up her spree and y/n holds they're bloody old bass(it has sharp ridges) a letter "I" appears to the left of them, while a  letter "p" appears on the right side of them, the trio together form the letter "m" thus spellling the initials IMP*y/n singing:call the immediate murder professionals!Blitzø Millie Moxxie are in the building as y/n and Moxxie toss two grenades out the window. The trio cover where their ears would as a explosion goes off. A severed arm goes flying. Y/n singing:hand grenade or cyanide, Blitzø is shown hanging someone as Millie finish's a suicide note y/n singing:we'll make it look like suicide,
Blitzø is shown electrocuting someone, Millie is shown hitting someone on the head with a mace, Moxxie is shown strangling someone, as y/n is seen smashing someone's chest in as the legs can be seen in the background cut off y/n singing:the immediate murder professionals! The IMP logo spins quickly as the scene transition to Blitzø creating a portal to the living world in a wall, then jumping through it followed by Millie then y/n and last Moxxie, who trips over the grimoire and falls through the portal y/n singing:we do our job so well, the trio come up  through the other end of the portal and adjust themselfs  Y/n singing:because we come straight up from hell! Y/n looks up before the IMP and nearly shits themself y/n:well shit! The IMP looks up to see the problem and freeze they...teleported to...a church...in the middle...of a fucking service! A female preacher and the congregation look back at the girl who swore in the church and notice the demons, look at them in fear and shock one breeder man has his head phones plugged in and was sleeping. Millie is shown struggling to remove a knife from a naked couple who are in 69 position, while Moxxie ttys to look away Blitzø is seen inspecting a pair of panties as y/n is seen cleaning up any evidence of them being there y/n singing:we'll kill your husband or your wife Blitzø is seen stabbing someone repeatedly as their tied to a chair as he sports a goofy grin y/n singing:we'll even let you keep the knife, a quick sequence turns shows, the trio assassinating their targets in numerous horrific ways such as with a medivel torture chamber, riding a shark burning someone alive, suffocating someone with a pillow, playing on a grand piano after it crushed someone, and using an electric chair, cutting someone's legs off.in the final scene, the trio are seen hiding behind a bush in a park and Moxxie is about to shoot a blonde woman from behind y/n singing:we're the immediaaaaate...murderrrrrr...profession-Moxxie accidentally shoots a boy passing by eating an ice cream cone Eddie:AUUUGH! The boy collapses as Moxxie looks on in shock. The scene cuts to a hospital operating room the boy is wheeled in on a hospital bed by a doctor, a pink haired nurse, a blue haired nurse, pink haired nurse:*in masculin voice*doctor, he's not responding! Blue haired nurse:cool water stat! The pink haired nurse whacks the boy in the face with a bucket pink haired nurse:it didn't do anything! Doctor:damnit! I'm not losing another one. Everyone had a defibrillator paddles over the boy. Doctor:CLEAR! They all zapped the kid and he wakes up. Eddie:*gasp's* doctor:holy shit, it actually worked,
Blitzø Millie Moxxie and y/n sat waiting outside the boys hospital room, Millie comforts moxxie Blitzø is reading a magazine, y/n is tuning they're favorite guitar which a certain kinky spider got for them the doctor comes out holding a clipboard doctor:he appears to be in stable condition but he'll need surgery. Now what insurance provider do you freaks have? Blitzø:the fuck is insurance? They were immediately kicked out the window all screaming but soon stops as y/n and blitzø leg and foot gets caught everybody:ah, the line doesn't last long and snaps everybody:aaaahhhhhh! Y/n singing:kids die for freeeeeee!
The scene cuts back to the boardroom. Millie and Moxxie are sitting across from loona and y/n, they both have their feet up on the table sharing memes and posts Moxxie: I'd like to go on record and say that the incident was loona's fault. Dispatch is to give us the right info on the target. It's vary simple. Loona:oh, sit on a dick Moxxie. Moxxie:YOU sit! Sit on...a...and the...d--DO YOU'RE JOB! Blitzø:hey, now, we don't blame our screw ups on loona okay?! *hugs and nuzzles loona's who seemingly dislike the affection*she didn't do anything wrooooong~ Moxxie: are you kidding me sir she's awful! The scene cuts to a flashback of loona at her desk reading a magazine called hellhound monthly.her desk phone rings with the sound of a cute puppy barking as the ringtone. Loona answers. Loona:hello IMP Millie on phone:loona, I got stabbed! Call mox--Loona hangs up on millie disinterested in the conversation. Next, Loona is in Blitzø office as he presents her with a gift Blitzø:happy adoption anniversary, loonie! I got you a little somthin' Loona: is it a cure for syphilis? Blitzo:I...oh... Loona:*snatches the gift and throws it on the ground*then I don't want it! A swarm of spider's suddenly emerge from the present box and  cover Loona up to her neck Loona:UGHHH! Blitzø:*suddenly. Hiding outside of the office window*I'm sorry it was spiders!
Loona:*annoyed*goddamnit Loona and y/n are at her desk watching Charlie magne performing "inside of every demon is a rainbow" Moxxie approachs the two with a flier that reads"chub b gone" Moxxie:um, e-excuse me. Did you just fax me an ad for weight loss?
Loona:no. Moxxie: wha--why-why would anyone send me this? Y/n and loona:come on, you know why. The next scene shows Loona rummaging through the back room fridge Loona:whoever left the fucking... avocado salad in the fridge, I'm taking it, because I have the worst hangover right now! Loona turns to Millie and y/n with a red box in hand as she closes the fridge door with her foot. she rips off the lid and drinks the salad, Millie:why would you drink on a work night? Y/n:it's hell Millie remember no one cares Loona:*stops drinking the salad*I'm hung over from this morning dumbass!
Moxxie enters the room and notices Loona with his box Moxxie:isn't that my lunch? Y/n:no shit dumbass Loona:*drops the box*y'know what I can't take this assault right now! Y/n:yeah neither could his*looks at the mess on the floor*loona:I need to blow off some fucking steam! Loona kicks moxxie's lunch box at him sending him flying out of the room, she storms out yelling she then proceeds to kick an imp mothers stroller which had the baby in it, the IMP mother stands in shock. The scene transition to Loona at her desk telling Blitzø about the caller Loona:bliiiiizo,that clingly rich asshole is on the phone! Says it's urgent and wants  to talk to yous sounds a little DFT-y. Blitzø:*throws his cup on the ground*oh, GOD, it was one time,*crosses his arms*if I hadn't slept with that privileged asshole, none of us would have access to the living world Moxxie:*stares in stunned silence*...you what? The scene cuts to a flashback of  stolas sleeping naked in bed. Hooting like an owl and there are feathers everywhere. Blitzø, who is partially nude, walks away quietly with the grimoire in hand Blitzø:*to himself*got the booook got the booook! Got this fuckin' heavy book! Blitzø reachs stolas's balcony and lays the grimoire on the ledge. Grunting, he attempts to step on the ledge using the grimoire. Instead, the combined weight sends both him and the grimoire falling forward off of the balcony. Blitzø:oh- Oh, SHIT! Blitzø lands in a cake stolas' wife Stella and her friends are having, splattering pieces of it all over them Blitzø:*to Stella*sorry I fucked your husband the scene changes back to Loona at her front desk Loona:BLIIIITZO! Blitzø: I HEARD YOU ALREA-
The scene cuts to Blitzø in his office on the phone Blitzø:soooo what can I do for you this time stolas is shown talking on his phone in a fancy mansion stolas:there's a political candidate causing trouble up on earth for a few of my associates. He's  trying to convince people global warming exists! Blitzø:doesn't it? Stolas: well, yes but more people die if nothing is done about it. And it gets lonely here~ Blitzø:okay, well, yeah, that makes sense. Stolas:*through phone*you know what happens when I'm lonely, blitzy? Blitzø:*pulls his phone away and talks to himself*oh-god-fucking'-damnit. Stolas:when I'm lonely, i become hungry. And when I become hungry, I want to choke on that red **** of yours...****your***** and lick all of your *****, before taking out your ***** and **** with more teeth until you're screaming ********** like a FUCKING baby--!
Blitzø who's visibly disturbed, hangs up. He breaks his cellphone in half, smashes it with his desk phone, tosses said desk phone away, Pulls out a blender puts the cellphone pieces in it, and blends them. Blitzø turns and hands the blender to loona who was standing nearby Blitzø:eat this! Loona drinks the blended cellphone mixture Blitzø:and then y'know that bridge over the freeway? Loona:yeah? Blitzø:shit off it! The flashback ends and Blitzø is standing nearby y/n and loona Blitzø:look, the point is, Loona is a vauled member of our family like y/n, and we don't get rid of family.*Loona looks up from her phone touched by Blitzø words* Moxxie: we aren't a family sir! YOU are the boss we, are the employees you treat her like she's some troubled teenager she's more like a meth-addict homeless woman you let man the phones! As Moxxie rants, Loona continues looking at her phone, slowly flipping off Moxxie Blitzø: that is offensive without homeless people*walks up to the window and raises the blinds* I wouldn't have half the joy and laughter I do in this life! *Blitzø puts his face up to the glass cracking it, and see's a homeless demon, looking sad and holding a sign the reads:monee helps. Saten bless, a female demon is on her cellphone and ignores the hobo. Blitzø smugly waves at him before closing the blinds*moxxie: while we're on the subject of "family" can you stop finding me and Millie outside of work? Millie:come on sweetie!  It's not that big of a deal! Moxxie:excuse me...WHAT! The scene cuts to a flashback of Moxxie and Millie preparing dinner in their kitchen Moxxie:honey can you get me the butter? Millie:sure, sweetie Millie opens the fridge door and finds Blitzø inside as he hands her the gross viscous butter Blitzø:spoiler alert: The butters spoiled! Millie:*giggles* Moxxie:what's funny, honey? Blitzø:really impressive wordplay
Moxxie:what the--?! Why are you in our fridge?!?! Later that evening, Moxxie and Millie are asleep in bed the former tossing and turning as the sound of a cats purr can be heard. Moxxie opens his eyes and see's Blitzø standing on him, looking him right in the eyes. Blitzø:whatcha dreamin' about? Moxxie:I was dreaming that my parents were being murdered, but now...I'd like to go back to that. In the next scene, Moxxie is singing the end of "oh millie" as Millie joins in on some parts Moxxie:of all the imps in hell it's for her that I fell, it's for her that I fell, Millie*same time*of all the imps in hell it's for him that I fell, Moxxie:oh millie~ they close their eyes leaning in for a kiss but Moxxie notices Blitzø outside of the window holding a camcorder Moxxie:are you fucking filming us Right now?! The flashback ends as the scene cuts back to the boardcast room Moxxie:just...stop...doing that! Y/n yeah actually Blitzø you need to please stop, I can't keep my heart rate down at this rate with you flashback to y/n as they shower y/n:*turns off the water and reachs out for the towel*ugh come on where did I put it? Blitzø:here you go y/n: ah than-wait! What the fuck?!*Pokes head out of shower as they cover themselves* later that day y/n is seen trying to sleep when a sudden loud purr echos through their room, they open they're eyes but closes them and grumbles flashback ends y/n:just...stop Blitzø:*shrugs*I don't see the issue is! There something you don't want me to see and y/n its not my fault you look sexy in the shower~ Moxxie:*eye twitches in anger*no! Y/n:*pinches the bridge of they're nose* Loona:*snickers* Blitzø:you a baby-wiener-haver? Moxxie:sir, what you say and how you act is totally*stands up from his chair*INAPPROPRIATE! Millie:*lays her hand on his shoulder*calm down mox! You're gonna have another panic attack! Moxxie: I AM CALM!*Moxxie starts to wimpering in angry as he looks at Blitzø* Millie:*comforting Moxxie*shh-shh-shh. There, there.
Blitzø:look I don't judge the boring couple stuff you do*montions hands to imply sexual stuff*so don't judge me! Moxxie:oh, I do judge you Sir quiet a lot actually. Millie:mox, he's out boss! Blitzø:no-no-no, it's fine mill's, your husband is just...how do say this without being offensive retarded y/n watches the shit hit the fan Moxxie:does immaturely insulting me you better about your dad single life? Blitzø:*leans towards Moxxie*it actually does, loona: the only reason you have a wife*looks away from her phone to glare at moxxie*is because you're easy to manage! Millie:*slams her hands against the table looking at Loona with angry*no he's not you BITCH! Y/n slowly backs away and takes a seat on the hospital bed. Millie fliped her the bird twice, Loona:*growls at Millie* Blitzø:do not talk to my receptionist that way! She's sensitive! Loona:*snaps her jaws at millie*YES I AM! Eddie offscreen: you guys are all fucking assholes Blitzø Millie Moxxie Loona and y/n look at Eddie the boy Moxxie accidentally shot Eddie is lying on the hospital bed with three wires from a heart monitor attached to his stomach Blitzø:oh, shut up kid! You're lucky to even witness this!  Moxxie: ugh! This company is such a mess! Blitzø:alrightlet's go back to talking about  my outfit! Loona:nobody was talking about that! Blitzø:which is why I'm tryin' to get that ball rolling. so, how does it look? It's good, right?
Eddie:*points at Blitzø*it's been a literal hell*detaches the tubes from the heart monitor*having to pretend to be paralyzed so you fuckshits wouldn't kill me! But now I want that I want death! *once again points at Blitzø*you are a selfish, greedy clown. And I'm a kid! We're supposed to like clowns even the creepy ones. Moxxie:hey now! That's not vary-- Eddie:if I wanted to here from a spineless jackass I would tip out your spine and ask you some questions, Millie:that's my husband your talking to! Eddie*laughs*that's your husband! *Moxxie and Millie snarl at eddie* eddie:I figured you'd for a slut but I didn't know you needed a dick THAT bad Eddie: and you!*points at Loona* Loona:what? What about me. Eddie:nothing*crosses arms*I don't talk to dogs. I'm a cat person. AND YOU! *points at y/n*yeah kid go-ahead say whatever the fuck ya want won't bother me Eddie:your werid! *Loona gives a loud whine and looks back at her phone* Blitzø:wow. ah, y'know, kid,  you kind of are a piece of shit, Moxxie:*whispering*yeah, after all. He's kind of a piece of shit Loona receives a text Loona:oh, fuck! guys, I just received a text from our cilent! Guess he was the right target after all! Blitzø:who? Loona:*points at Eddie*him eddie:me? Loona:yup Blitzø: they wanted us to kill an actual child?Loona:that's what they're sayin' Blitzø:...well Christ on a stick I guess there is a god*Blitzø draws a flintlock pistol and fires it at Eddie killing him*Eddie:OWWW! Blood covers the screen, then reveals Blitzø and Moxxie kicking Eddie's corpse, Millie stabbing him and loona recording everything on her phone as y/n slams they're old bass cutting him up more Blitzø:*voice over*y'know, folks,  with this company I really wanted to prove that we're capable of doing the same things anyone else can. Like killing people! Blitzø and Moxxie are shown wearing full hazard gear, dismembering Eddie's body with a hacksaw and chainsaw respectively.blood splats on the screen again, then shows the group by a dumpster putting Eddie in a garbage bag. Blitzø:*voice over*so, from us here at the immediate murder professionals group, we promise to settle your unfinished business or your money...is gone  and you're never getting it back you can write us a bad review, but we'll play dumb to it, because it's hell and no one fuckin' cares as Blitzø does the voice over he hugs Moxxie Millie y/n and loona the two's phone flying out of their hands Blitzø:y'know, even  this kid was a target...he's still a child. And it's important that*wraps his tail lovingly around the group*we handle this respectfully. The. Group all smile as the scene cuts to a newscast showing Eddie's mother tearfully holding up a bad drawing of eddie a male news reporter holds a microphone up to her, looking disinterested. The headline on screen says"mom suck's at drawing own kid" while the ticker bar constantly reads"there is a missing boy! yet another missing kid!"Eddie's mother:*sobbing*please! If anyone has seen my little Eddie, please contact us at--*Eddie's bloody body bag suddenly falls into her arms* b-OHHH! Eddie's mother and the newscaster look up in shock as the camera follows their gaze. Blitzø Millie Moxxie y/n are shown looming down on them from the portal. Blitzø:*smiles and waves* you're welcome! The trio disappear in the portal as it closes. The camera slowly pans downt to a post showing a missing poster of y/n...
And I'm done lots of words lots of snipits of what happened to y/n but we'll get more into that in my other book. See ya little lost boys/girls 4147