Loosing myself again - Y/n and dsmp

Chapter 15 - the week after

TW
Depression
Self harm/self harm mentions
Ed's
body checks

No ones POV

It's been exactly a week since her fragile body was lifted up onto the, her hair is messy and the circles under her eyes are darker than ever, she's left her room once, In exactly one hour her phone will light up with a 7 day streak celebration.

Y/Ns POV

I lie there telling myself to get up, to drink the water that someone brought me to stare at the plate of food in disgust, I can't, the day after I relapsed I woke up and just couldn't move, like someone had taken my emotions, my personality, me. I can't even get myself to move my arm, pathetic, I can't even do that. The door creaks open.

Karls POV

She's gotten up once, 4 days ago to say goodbye to Tubbo who he and his family were desperate to see each other. The day after that night Wilbur had gathered us all and told us everything. EVERYTHING. I already knew some bits but I was still heavily impacted, she's so young. During the daytime it's usually just me and Wilbur here, Phil tries to distract everyone with fun activities. Wilbur just takes care of everyone, I don't know what would of happened if he wasn't there that night.

Today is no different, I'm taking up her lunch, I softly knock and expecting her to be asleep I'm surprised she's awake, "hey y/n, how you feeling" she mumbles something "do you want to try sit up?" I ask knowing today will be no different. "I guess" she mutters quietly I encourage her as I help her up and give her a clean hoodie and pants, "Karl im sorry I'm dumb, I'm sorry I need taking care of, I'm sorry I'm not good enough" she says all of a sudden shocked by the sudden conversation I comfort her.

-5 minutes later-

Earlier I was expecting to be back downstairs helping Wilbur with the food, now I'm sitting in the living room with y/n. I feel horrible this is my fault I streamed so much with her while it was going on how did I not notice I could've helped.

*

Today is the first day everyone's downstairs and dressed "what do you guys want to do?" Ranboo asks obviously bored, "Movie day?" Techno suggests "it's a beautiful Florida summer" says George looking up at dream, "both?" Y/N suggests "I'm in" Tommy says. We all head to our rooms to get ready.

Y/Ns POV

I head upstairs I need to do this for everyone they're expecting me to be better.
I rummage through my clothes the one swimsuit I own, Nikki bought with Wilbur the other day, it's a beautiful blue print I wish I could wear it. Cmon Y/N everyone's depending on you to get better don't be so selfish. I put the bikini on facing away from the mirror I dread every day as I get fatter and fatter. I suck in.
That's better feeling my rib cage soothes my anxiety. You'll still be skinny swimming burns more calories, imagine how skinny you'll look then. I slide on some shorts and head downstairs.

Surprisingly I'm not last down, only Karl, Nikki and Wilbur are in their swimmers waiting for the rest of us. " Aw y/n that looks gorgeous on you" says Nikki, she's just being nice instead of pointing out how fat you are...
"Took you long enough" Wilbur interrupts my thoughts as Tommy, Ranboo and Techno trek down the stairs fighting each other. Dream, Sapnap and George following them. Tommy dashes outside bomb diving into the pool. I follow Nikki still sucking in. "Pool Photos" yells Dream,shit, everyone poses, I suck in so I don't look like a whale

We continue to have fun for the rest of the afternoon, "ugh I'm getting out let's go stream Tommy" says Ranboo, everyone agrees and hops out, I grab a towel and practically hide under it.
They've set up stream and are talking with chat, "ew tommy wtf" Wilbur says as he shows his feet to the camera, I sit slightly off camera with dream scrolling on my phone. They muck around on stream playing games w chat, "Y/N wanna join?" asks Ranboo starting a match of truth or dare. "Um sure" I say putting my phone down, "ok Tommy starts" "I dare Wilbur to chug that juice that's been sitting there for 5hrs "Tommyyyy I'm gonna get sick" Wilbur rolls his eyes and rapidly drinks it looking sick
My eye catches a comment
EmilySoot: Ew why are Y/Ns arms stripey
She gets banned from chat but I have to admit I look pretty disgusting. I cover my arms with the towel.

Tommy's POV
Wilbur looks so stupid drinking the juice I snort as he almost throws up and groans at me. I look over at Y/N who's gone quiet and is rubbing her collarbones, I feel so bad for her she's perfect and doesn't need to starve herself, now she's moved onto her jawline, "Tommy do the dare" Wilbur says interrupting my thoughts "sorry what was it" I ask sheepishly, "I dare you to gift 100 subs to chat.." "Wilbur that's my money" "a dares a dare" I sigh and gift it kicking him back.

After we end stream I can't stop worrying about y/n she barely spoke on stream and might see some of the comments on twitter and what not.