Of Witches And Wolves | M. Helvar ✐

12 | Sorry

"I don't like her," Matthias admitted, whispering to Rowan as they watched Nina rest. "She's crude and–"

Rowan glared at him, "She's my best friend, Matti."

He hated when they used that tone on him. "Then what of me when we land in Ravka?" Matthias had a good idea of what would happen to him once they got to Rowan's home.

It ranged from being shot on the spot to being tortured for information on Drüskelle secrets. He was hoping for the first option, to be honest. A quick, easy death. He could finally rest after running from his past for so long.

Maybe he would see his mother and be held by her once more. Feel the warmth of the family he lost to that fire. He might be happier once dying, no worries, nothing... just rest.

"I will protect you, I give you my word."

Matthias fought the urge to glare at them, "You don't have the authority to do that, Rowan."

Their eyes drifted as they nodded, "I don't... but the General is... I can sway him and give you asylum in Ravka."

They shared a look, both seeming to be unsure of themselves.

"I will not rely on that promise, you don't even believe it yourself."

Rowan's face fell, "I have no idea what will happen when we get into Ravka, I won't lie to you... but I have pull when it comes to the General, that much is a fact."

"How?" Matthias asked, eyebrows pushing downward.

Something changed in Rowan's... everything. Their posture, their face, the tension in their body. Matthias couldn't help but stare in confusion. "Things around Little Palace are different than you think."

"You don't know what I think about... Little Palace?"

"It's where we're trained as young Grisha and where we live." He nodded, "But, to put it simply, General Kirigan is sort of king of Little Palace. He's the king's leading general–that much you knew. But he has a lot of power at Little Palace. And I've never really liked him, he's always been fucking weird. And I think he knows that because he's always trying to like..." Rowan rubbed their hands on their knees, clenching their jaw.

They took a deep breath, "He's always pushing me. I think he wants me to like him, my theory is that... if I... beg him properly, he will let you live." Rowan shrugged, "It's all I have. And it's shit. I'm sorry I've dragged you into this. I'm sorry."

Matthias leaned near Rowan, "Why do you sound like that?"

"Because I feel guilty."

"Rowan, you did not ask for me to shout at that damned guard. I did that, this is my fault." He admitted, reaching for their hand. "I am the reason we were thrown into that cell–"

They shook their head, "I don't mean that, Matthias. We both know that was your fault, you brute." He flushed, "I mean my meeting you. I shouldn't have done this to you."

He fell silent, "You regret meeting me?"

"When I did, yes. But... I am glad we met."

"I am very confused."

Rowan nodded, "I know."

—

The boat ride was nothing short of exhausting. The two teenagers weren't allowed above deck, Nina was the only one who could. She'd be gone most of the day. That left Rowan and Matthias alone most of the time.

The boat felt different despite having been trapped in a tent and a prison cell alone. Not only were they traveling through the sea; they were struggling to talk. The lack of knowledge of what was to come weighed down on both of them.

Matthias was dreading reaching land despite how much he hated being on boats. Rowan looked drained, he wanted to ask if they were okay but the pure stress in their eyes stopped him from saying anything.

It was a challenging trip. They were pulled out of that disgusting prison and thrown into the salty water. To say the least, they stank. Really badly, Matthias assumed that was why Nina refused to stay below deck with them.

"I feel so gross," Rowan held their hands on their cheeks, cringing.

"Me too."

They sniffed their shirt and gagged, "I think my stench would kill the saints a second time."

Matthias chuckled, "I think it might kill me."

"You smell like shit too, Matti."

"Yea... I do." He admitted shyly. He hated how dirty his skin felt. Before he always had access to showers and cleaning supplies, this was the longest he'd ever gone without water touching his skin. "Do you know how long we've been on the boat?"

Rowan shrugged, "No, but Nina said we are almost there. Maybe a day more."

It was like Rowan summoned their friend by saying her name. Her white face is what Matthias saw first, she had a smile on her lips. "Less than a day, Yuli. I found clothes for you two. Come up and get cleaned up so you don't murder everyone with how horrible you smell."

"You found clothes and didn't offer them sooner?" Rowan asked.

Nina rolled her eyes, "You two had to stay hidden, now that we're nearly there it's fine. Come up, hurry!"

Their eyes met before Rowan grabbed his arm and pulled him up the stairs.