𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗧𝗟𝗘 𝗖𝗔𝗗𝗘𝗧 || l. ackerman

Chapter 13

"I heard there are people who feel sad when it rains," you started, sitting on the chair across from him and your hand went up to his face, his cold cheek under your warm palm. "Do you? Feel sad?"

It took Levi a few seconds to answer but he shook his head first before he spoke. "No," he said before he added. "Perhaps,"

"I feel sad too." Your hand slowly slipped down and you looked out the window, the sky was covered with dark clouds hovering above, the sun showed no sign of returning for the rest of the afternoon. You can hear people down the street, their voices echoing along with the hooves of horses on cobblestones. "But I don't usually feel sad when it rains."

In fact you quite love it when it rains. Back when you were still a cadet, no in fact even way back when you were a kid, you used to play outside while it rained. Of course it was only during the times when the rain is not as monstrous as mother nature reminds humanity of its wrath.

"Maybe it's because of this little kid," you muttered, looking down. "It senses the sadness of its father."

Levi looked back at you, his eyes glancing down and for a moment the sadness seemed to dissipate until Levi looked up at you.

"I just remember a memory of my life in The Underground–"

"You can tell me," you said, almost cutting him off. "I told you I'll always listen."

"I already told you all about it," Levi said, with a tone that indicates he was about to drop the subject but you scooted closer to him.

"I want to hear it again."

He looked back and saw your eyes shone in what seemed like excitement. How you are eager to know about his life in The Underground was something Levi could hardly comprehend. Was it simply curiosity? Fascination? But seeing you with such an expression, Levi couldn't possibly refuse. Besides, you did grant him one of his whims.

"Alright," he said with an inaudible sigh, taking a sip of the tea to check if it's still warm. It is warm because it did not burn his tongue like the first time he took a sip earlier.

"I already told you about my mother. She was a..." Levi trailed off, clearly looking for the right word to describe her.

"A charming woman," you filled in for him. "You said so last time."

"I did?" he asked.

"And she was also very beautiful, kind and caring," you added.

"Well she never showed it," Levi said. "It was just a presumption of mine, that she was a kind and caring woman. She worked as a prostitute in a brothel where I was born and I nor she never knew my father. She was kind enough not to get rid of me and caring enough not to throw me away. It was hard living there, we hardly had any food that was not covered by mold or any clean water that was not contaminated. It was also quite dirty in the back alleys."

"Was that how you developed an intense drive to clean everything?" you asked along with a light chuckle as you finally saw the side of Levi's mouth turned up in what seemed like a very little smile but it was a smile nonetheless.

"Maybe," he said as he shook his head and took another sip of the tea while you downed the remaining cocoa in your mug. "And when it rains, I like it."

"Oh," you muttered, realizing it now.

"Because we rarely had any clean water, it was a blessing when it rains. I would stand for hours in the rain, letting the cold water wash all the dirt and grime on my body. Although there was one time when I stood too long in the rain and the next day I caught a cold. I thought my mother would finally abandon me. A small child who caught a cold is as good as dead anyways."

"But she didn't," you said. "She didn't abandon you because no mother would ever abandon their sick children."

"I was already delirious with fever that night, so I don't know if it was a dream, a figment of my imagination or if it was even real. But I heard my mother singing a lullaby, stroking my hair with bony fingers and cold palm and it felt like a corpse was caressing my forehead. A corpse with an angel's voice." Levi looked out the window again, this time the rain had already ceased but the sun had already bid its farewell and it's already nightfall. "So whenever it rains, I am reminded of that day."

You hummed, lifting your hand up to Levi's head and brushed his fringe as he looked at you. "I'm glad it wasn't an entirely sad memory."

"It wasn't entirely," he said. He finished his mug of tea before he stood and took your empty mug as well. "What do you want to eat for dinner?"

You thought for a moment, trying to pinpoint what it is you're craving to eat tonight. Until you thought of one particular dish.

"Potato salad," you said and Levi stopped.

"Again? Why do you like potatoes so much recently?"

"I don't know, you gotta ask our kid."

After that, Levi went outside and you sat there, turning around to look at the window. The dark clouds have started to disperse, making way for the stars to shine brightly. After long hours of rain, the sky is starting to clear.

You stood up and walked near the window to get a better view of the night sky, remembering that by the crack of dawn tomorrow Levi would be on his way back to the Headquarters while you will stay here. He hasn't gone but you suddenly feel a wave of sadness already. What more when he really did leave.

"It's not like he's not coming back," you muttered, a hand on your belly. "So we shouldn't be so sad, sweetheart, daddy will always come back home."