Malika

15 Sky

She nods again. Under normal circumstances, it is her making a conversation, not Azar. But if her guard is putting in an effort, he must have noticed something off with her. She tries to keep her composure but it only becomes more difficult at Azar's next statement.

"He asked me if you were happy."

She releases a shuddering breath and the first tear falls from her eyes. She tightens her jaw to keep herself together. Azar doesn't say anything anymore.

"I just," she sniffs and wipes away the tear, "I miss my family."

"Me too," he speaks in agreement, not addressing her distress out of politeness. "It can get lonely here."

She replies with another nod, sniffing again, a cry choking her but she doesn't let it past her throat.

"But you'll reunite with them soon, khanum."

"God willing." Noura looks at him. "You had to leave your home in Isfahan because of me. I'm sorry, Azar."

He shakes his head and offers her a small smile. "Don't be. Your mother always treated me like her own son. Your home was a home to me, and your family like my own. Being with her, you, Eskander agha, and Roya, is enough for for me."

Noura returns his smile weakly and looks down. "Thank you."

She closes her eyes as more tears well up behind her lids. When she opens them, they fall. A whimper escapes her and she covers her face. Azar doesn't question her and quietly stay by her side.

"I'm sorry," she repeats herself, feeling embarrassed, trying her best not to cry but failing miserably. Her body shakes with sobs as she tries to hold them in. Azar is looking down too in an attempt not to make her uncomfortable but also unable to leave her in the given state.

"Don't be. There's nothing to be sorry about."

"I..." Noura purses her lips, not knowing what excuse to give him. To assure him she's fine so he'll have good things to write to Eskander about. But nothing comes to her mind. So asks him directly instead, "Tell Eskander I'm fine so he wouldn't worry, please."

"You're a strong woman, Noura khanum, but you're a human too." Azar looks up at her again. "It's okay if you don't feel fine sometimes. But you know, I don't lie to the general. And even if I do, he'll still worry for you."

She smiles but doesn't say anything anymore. Azar doesn't either. She watches the sky change colors from brilliant blue to dusky gold. The wind blows cooler as the day dwindles towards its end. The palace is quiet. She's no more in the training grounds but sits alone on the balcony of her chamber. Twilight has kissed the sky now. It drags her down the memory lane to one fine evening in Isfahan.

It was before Eskander had left for the army. He had only entered the prime of his youth and she was living the last of her childhood. There were many pomegranate trees at the back of their house. He used to climb them for the fruits and she was always too afraid to do so. But that day they both had climbed the trees and sat on the wall of their house eating pomegranates.

The sky back then was as it appears now, with strokes of pink and orange against the blue canvas. When she was scared of climbing up the tree, he had helped her to overcome that fear. When she had complained how her pomegranate was sour, he had given her his own which was sweet. Maybe that's why Eskander had become an irreplaceable part of her life. It wasn't the change of feelings which took place later on. It was the shoes of her father he had filled for her which Noura could never let go of.

A knock at the door puts a stop to her musings. She grants them permission to come in and Tamara appears beside her.

"Sayidati, should I lay out the table for dinner?"