Protect Me 18+✔️

Chapter 14 Feelings ✔️

As I lay here in bed beside Drew, I realize how serious our situation is—not that I thought it wasn't before, but it serves as a reminder of just how quickly things can change. Of just how serious it could have been tonight. It could have easily been a person outside my window instead of a bear, and then what?

I suppose I have spent a lot of time over the giving Drew hell, stubbornly refusing when he tells me to do or not do something, and throwing his insults right back at him tenfold, sometimes without even being provoked. Yet still, even after all of that, he never hesitated—not for a single second tonight.

As soon as he heard me call out to him, he was up and ready, fully prepared to take on whatever it was out there to protect me. 

While I was busy shaking with fear, he was calm and strong, never faltering in his movements, just sure and unwavering in what he felt he needed to do. 

Honestly, it was actually really sexy to see him being so brave. So willing to fight for me, defend me. And for what?
What have I ever done for him besides make him even more miserable than he already seems to be? Early this evening has proved that to me, he has to be hurting and in some ways maybe even more than I am. And just like me he may have a shitty way of showing his emotions but that doesn't mean that his feelings aren't real or aren't there even if he doesn't voice it.

Surely this isn't something that he wants to do. And, I have spent so much time feeling sorry for myself, trying to occupy my own mind, dwelling on the fact of how much my life has been altered and uprooted over the past several weeks, that I have never really taken any actual time to acknowledge how it all affects him and what his thoughts and feelings may be, or the fact that his whole life has changed too.
It makes me feel extremely guilty.

Guilty that I really have, in many ways, been acting like a spoiled princess, only ever thinking of myself, and being utterly selfish. 

"Penny for your thoughts, princess." Drew says, rolling over and propping his head up on his hand. 

I had even forgotten that he was beside me; I was so deep in my own thoughts.

Like I said, selfish. 

"I'm sorry." I sigh, looking over at him.

"For what?"

"For being such a bitch to you." I say, staring back up at the ceiling.

"Skylar," he softly starts to say, but I interrupt him, cutting him off and not giving him a chance to speak because I know that I have to tell him now. I have to get this off of my chest, because if I don't, the guilt will eat me alive.

"And thank you. Thank you for being so quick to help me, despite the fact that I have been such a pain in the ass to you. And for letting me stay in here tonight." I also add biting my lip to keep from going on a full-blown spiel about it all. He is silent for a minute, leaving me to wonder if I had just made things worse somehow. 

"You don't have to thank me or apologize, Skylar."

He reaches over, grabbing my hand, which takes me by surprise. I roll over to my side to look at him and find him staring at me. "I wouldn't be here; I wouldn't be doing any of this if I didn't want to be. Remember that." He  drops my hand, rolling back over onto his back and putting his hands behind his head. "And you are not a pain in the ass, all of the time." He adds with a smirk.

"And you aren't a dick, all of the time." I fight back a smile. Those small feelings that I have been trying so hard to avoid rising up from within me, sending butterflies into flight within the confines of my stomach.

What is this? This way he is making me feel?

I think that I am starting to see him for more than just River's asshole best friend that I always have and more of a... well, I am not really sure, but this is definitely something different.  He has always been attractive; anyone with eyes can see that, but there is just something about the way I am beginning to feel around him—I don't know, it is just different.

I am not sure what the feelings are exactly or if it is just due to all of the time we have been forced to spend together, but... well, I guess only time will tell if there is anything to it or not.

"Goodnight Drew." I roll over facing away.
"Skylar?" He says looking over at me, putting his hand on my side to keep me from turning away when I turn over to face him.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?" His voice is low and serious.

"Sure, what do you want to ask?" I am nervous for some reason at what he may say.

"How do you look at me?" He stares into my eyes.

Look at him? With my eyes? What the hell does he mean by look at him?

"What do you mean?" I ask a little confused.

"I mean, how do you see me?" He  sighs sitting up. "When you think about me, who am I in your life?" He asks, almost nervously? 

I sit up in the bed, looking at him, our knees touching as we now both sit crossed legged facing each other.

How am I supposed to answer that? I am not really so sure anymore. I know how I have always seen him before, but now... I really don't know. Things are just so different now than they have always been.

"I don't know." I say honestly, but there is so much more to it than that. "I am starting to think that you aren't the kind of person I always thought you were." I add looking down.

"And what kind of person would that be?" He brushes his fingers against my legs. 

"I don't know, I guess I have always just thought of you as just River's asshole friend who made my life hell."

"And now?" He leans closer to me, his fingers underneath my chin.

"Now, I am starting to see you as more than that." I whisper, his face close to mine.

I can feel his warm breath on my face, and I think for a moment that he might lean further in, perhaps to kiss me. I close my eyes, holding my breath, anticipating him to. Finding that I actually want him to. But he drops his hand, I open my eyes, and he is already rolling over with his back towards me.

"Get some sleep, princess. We've got shit to do tomorrow." He turns off the light.

What the hell? Maybe I was wrong; maybe I just read this entire situation wrong.

Now, I am even more confused. And embarassed that I thought he wanted to kiss me, that I thought he was going to. And that I was so willing to let him.

What was this? Just another way to hurt me?

I roll away from him, scooting as far to the edge as I can without falling into the floor, fighting back tears.

Just something else to add to the long list of things I have been wrong about.