Into the fire

Chapter Eighty One

My friends know Wanda and I are over. Max and my chief know the real reason I took furlough. Besides that, they all think I just took some time to myself, which isn't completely wrong.

But it was really good to get back work. I had missed it so much. The rush of running into a fire, having to make the best decisions for the best outcomes for my team and the civilians. Knowing we saved the day.

It's been good to be home.

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Fuck. My head is killing me. How much did I drink-

Shiiit. There's a heavy weight on my chest and without opening my eyes I just know..

Yup. It's a woman. With a name.. that I can not for the life of me remember.

Can I wiggle my way out of this one? Worth a try.

Nope. She's waking up. Shit shit shit. Pretend you're asleep.

"Morning.."

Eh. She does have a cute morning voice..

"Morning," I'm a little more awkward. "Um, last night was great but uh, I kind of have to get to work.." I trail off hoping she gets the hint.

"Of course, yeah. Let me just find my shit."

I let out a breath of a relief. There's been a few that DID NOT get the hint, and boy was that awkward.

We both get dressed as I call her a ride home. I kiss her goodbye, not offering any empty promises of a call or text, it's not worth lying about. I'm straight forward about it all before anything happens. Some think I'm not serious. They find out rather quickly that I am.

Don't get on my case about shit. Even my crew know not to utter a single word about this.

They know what's happened- generally. Some know all the details of why Wanda and I broke up along with why Yelena and I broke up. How they're selfish heartless bitches that took a job and didn't care how it might hurt the other person.

Others just know that we will never speak about them again.

And with that, I'm done talking to you about it.

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                                   Wandas POV

It's been weeks. A month? More than a month by now. Again. I've tried everything I can to get ahold of her. I call and text with no response. I've tried to stop by her house, but she's never there or I'm ignored.

I haven't been assigned to help the firehouses ever since, but all of the others tell me that she won't even talk to them.

I am running myself crazy once again because I lost her. And it's my fault again.

I messed up. She had forgiven me, we were back to such a good place. I was going to move in with her!

Then it all went to shit when she saw Yelena at the compound.

Yelena has talked to me on multiple occasions apologizing.

But I'm not mad at her, I can't be.

I kept this from Alex. I knew about the truth in their relationship and I kept it to myself. I know there was a mission involved and I couldn't say anything. But that's the point; I chose the mission (which wasn't even mine) over my relationship. So now my relationship is suffering because of it.

So, no. I don't hold a grudge over Yelena. This isn't her fault. It's Fury's to begin with, but mostly it's mine.

Especially once she came clean about her past and what she was, why she was taking down bases. I had my chance, could have come clean. But I didn't.

And I have to live with this mistake for the rest of my life.

I don't know how to.

So I'm doing something a little desperate.

Yeah.. I'm sitting in my car outside her firehouse. The team told me she's back to the same house, so I know she's here.

And it's like I'm back to that day I was first trying to track down those blue eyes. Deja vu all over again.

Accept I brought cookies because I always bring something and they all love my baking.

Ugh, I'm even more of a wreck now than I was then.

And she yelled at me and told me to get lost that time.

No, no. That's not going to happen. She'll see me and.. what? Run into my arms? Clearly she doesn't want to-

Fuck. I told you, I just keep going around and around. I'm stuck in this endless loop. I need it to end.

So I take a deep breath and step out of my car, somehow finding the courage to walk up to her firehouse.

My chest seems to tighten with each step until I'm barely putting one foot in front of the other. I hold my breath once I make it to the front, knowing this could tear me apart.

So with a sudden burst, I push open the door that reveals the front desk.

Which Max is sitting at with her feet up.

"Oh, hell no."

"Max! Wait, please just let me talk to her!" Without thinking I open the container of cookies, I guess hoping to distract her.

"She does glance down at them and for a millisecond I think she might take one.

"No. No fucking way. You broke her. Not even just her heart, but her whole being. She isn't the same person she was. It's worse than when Maia cheated on her. So if you think for one damn second that I'll let you pass me? You're a fucking idiot."

"I know I hurt her. I didn't mean to. I love her with everything I have. I never meant for this to happen, it just got out of control. If I could just talk to her-"

"The fuck is she doing here?" Andrew stops mid stroll.

"She was just on her way-"

"I need your help. Please."

He raises an eyebrow, "are you injured?"

"No."

"In danger?"

"No."

"Is someone you know in need of assistance?"

"Well, no."

"Then get the fuck out. She does not need to see you. She's barely hanging on to sanity as it is. This is the last thing she has keeping her together, you will not ruin that, too."

"I'm not trying to ruin anything, I'm trying to fix it!" I'm practically on my knees begging.

"Okay, no. You need to leave," and now Liz is ordering me around.

"Don't you want her happy? I can fix this, just give me a chance! I don't want to see her hurt any more than you do!"

"Could have fooled me," Andrew snarks back.

They've practically formed a line I can't cross.

This is not going well for me.

"Just give me a few minutes, if she still won't talk to me, I'll stay out of her hair and yours for good."

"I don't believe you. I also don't want to give you that opportunity." Max the ever valiant best friend.

"Shouldn't you let her decide?"

"Hasn't her silence been enough?" Liz cuts me down.

I'm starting to panic. This was my last hope. Why didn't I bring Nat at least? Or something besides cookies?

"I-"

"Hey, 11, what is with all the ruckus? Why are we gathered in the front? Don't we have other things we should be doing?"

And those blue eyes meet mine.