GOLDEN HOUR, hailee steinfeld

006. evermore

april 2020

HAILEE hated that her friends were right. She hated that she neglected their words, their efforts to save her. 

As she watched the rockstar from across the venue, she couldn't help but clench her jaw. It was out of anger, and hurt. 

Carson moved with no mercy, letting her hands explore some girl's body. Hailee didn't even know who it was, not that it mattered to her. 

The singer felt foolish. Why in the world did she think, why did she assume she was different from the rest? Her heart burned as her pent up anger controlled her. 

Realizing she needed a break, the girl stood up and swiftly walked towards the outside area of the event. Once she made it outside, the cooler air soothed her lungs, allowing her the breathe correctly. 

Hailee bent over the railing, looking down at the crowded streets of New York. The rooftop wasn't very crowded, but a few conversations could be heard. Hailee distracted herself, listening to one of them. 

"What are you doing out here?" 

The question made her jump, or maybe it was the person who asked it; Hailee didn't really know. But as the singer turned around, her heart skipped a beat. Carson stood in front of her, her confrontational glare on full display. 

"I was looking for you. I saw you leave and I got-" 

"Worried?" Hailee spoke with venom laced in her tone, which made Carson furrow her eyebrows. 

"Yeah I was." Carson reciprocated the attitude, making Hailee chuckle to herself. 

"You are so caught up in yourself it is crazy." Her anger began to speak, her hands moving as she spoke. 

"What are you even talking about?" The confusion on Carson's face made Hailee shake her head is disbelief. 

"You're incredibly immature Carson." 

"The fuck is wrong Hailee? Why are you being bitchy?" That's when it hit Hailee. Carson truly didn't understand what she was doing, and why it was wrong. 

"I understand you so deeply Carson, and you're terrified by it. Look at you. Your attitude is all you have when trying to speak to me." Carson went to speak, but no words came out. "I think we're way past the fake bitchy attitude phase aren't we?" 

"The fuck is your problem? Huh? If you got a problem speak up Hailee. Use your big girl words." Carson got incredibly close to Hailee's face, her minty breath reminding Hailee of the night they spent this close to each other a few days ago. 

"You know what, I do have a problem." Her confidence clashed with Carson's once more, making the darker haired girl back up a bit as Hailee pressed her body forward. "You worship me like a goddess one night, and the next you do the same to another." 

"Oh. So that's what this little performance is about?" The playful smirk on Carson's face made Hailee sick to her stomach. This was truly all a game to the rockstar. 

"You're pathetic Carson. We, whatever this is, is over." As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted them. 

"We were never together in the first place Hailee! You're fucked if you thought we were ever gonna be something. You were just a one night stand. Get over yourself." 

Her friends were always right. 

CARSON DARIK didn't really understand regret, nor did she experience it often. The rockstar always acted irrationally, and usually spoke her mind. What she did reflected exactly how she felt. 

The girl would speak ruthlessly to anyone who doubted her or her intentions. 

However, the pit in her stomach remained for the entirety of a week. 'This has be regret', she thought. She knew it was regret. 

She regretted the way she spoke to Hailee. She regretted the way in which she insulted the beautiful girl. And most of all she regretted pushing her so far away. 

To say she didn't feel for Hailee would be a lie. In reality, she felt everything for Hailee. Hailee was the only person consistently on her mind and when her mind went to sleep, her subconscious brain went to work. 

Carson dreamed of Hailee frequently, dreaming of their last interaction, dreaming of supposed future they could have together if Carson wasn't so scared. 

The Darik girl resented her fear. 

However, fear was one of her favorite things. She loved a good scary movie, or good jump scare. The girl lived for Halloween, and the thrill of roller coasters. 

But the fear she had for love and trust was something completely different. The thought of loving someone irked her deep into her bones. Loving someone to Carson meant entrusting them with everyone. 

To Carson, loving someone was placing the well being of your heart into someone else's hands. She wasn't willing to hand over her happiness, and be reliant on someone who would leave. 

Carson was also frightened by the idea of being loved. Having someone care about you so much that they'd do the same. They'd rely on her for everything, which would cause the Darik girl to panic. She never wanted to control someones happiness. 

Her fear for love was great. It was a fear she felt throughout the entirety of her body. 

Hailee was one hundred and ten percent someone that Carson could see herself falling for. 

She was innocent, and pure. She was delicate, and unlike anything or anyone Carson had ever encountered. Hailee was angelic, and in Carson's eyes she could do no wrong. The kindness in her heart was a cure to Carson. 

The good in heart healed the bad in Carson's.