The Midnight Guard was in his room at his desk watching his phone and saw an add for a heaven service.
Andrew: hmm this looks a lot like I.M.P.
Andrew: Oh wonderful I hope they don't screw with I.M.P.
He then gets a call form Moxxie.
Moxxie: Hey Andrew, we're going to be very late, we're stuck with some angels. Ok gotta go I gotta get into a cat costume.
Andrew: (Sigh) Morons.
Andrew grabs his mask and heads to the human world. He flies over the town the imps are suppose to be in and sees them with the cherubs and an old man.
Midnight Guard: You have got to be kidding me.
The guard flies down to the group.
Midnight Guard: What are you idiots doing?
Lyle: Ah! Another angry orphan boy who wants some money.
Midnight Guard: Ok I'm going to ignore that. What are you idiots doing?
Blitzo: Trying to convince this guy to kill himself.
Midnight Guard: Why not just kill him?
Blitzo: They won't let us.
The guard looks over and sees the cherubs.
Midnight Guard: Ok, look this guy is nowhere in the realm of redeemable so you three are just wasting your time so how about you go back to heaven before this gets ugly.
Keenie: Absolutely not.
Collin: This is our job so go back to hell owl face.
Midnight Guard: ...The fuck did you just call me?
Collin: Owl face, you mask looks like an owls face.
Midnight Guard: ...BLITZO SEND THAT OLD BASTER TO HELL AND RUB IT IN THE FACE OF THESE ANGELIC PIECES OF SHIT!!!
The cherub bring Lyle too a mall to see the children excited about the mall Santa.
Lyle: Oh, Lord. Where are we now?! Let me perish!
Keenie: We're here to show you another thing life is worth living for: childhood wonderment!
Keenie motions to a crowd of kids cheering by a sitting Santa Claus. One kid wears a "Craft Mine" shirt, while another eats his booger.
Lyle: Why, look at those sweet, disease-ridden vermin. Their joy comes from innocence, unspoiled by the burdens of adulthood... and their middle-class existence. Such simple joy they have. It is inspiring. Thank you for showing me this.
Blitzo: Hey, dipshit!
The camera cuts to Blitzo and Millie, who are dressed as elves, while a grumpy Moxxie wears a reindeer costume. They stand by Santa and a kid.
Midnight Guard: Wanna see whose lap you're sittin' on?!
The guard snaps and Blitzo rips off the red robe. "Santa" is revealed as an ugly gnome wearing a "#Cuties" shirt, all while making a gnome noise. The kids scream and run. Lyle sobs like a baby as Collin and Keenie cover his eyes. A concerned Cletus pushes the bed away.
Boy: Santa's EVIL!!
Scene cuts to Lyle in bed in the woods next to a wooden sign reading "Lover's Lookout, I guess..."
YOU ARE READING
The Midnight Guard
AdventureCharlie's little brother is the head of hells royal guard. He is the most feared demon in hell, second only to his father, but he has a secret no one can ever know.
