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"i love writing songs about ugly fishes also known as my exes."
sally age: 22 (currently)
H O W SOFI CONVERSE:
the thing about conversion is that it never ends, like- it physically never will end and i think, it's pretty amazing. you can converse with anyone about anything and the converse can go on and on if tiredness didn't exist, if boredom didn't exist but without any sad limitations- converse never ends.
"what do you love talking about?" my therapist asks after i very much explained about how much i love conversing. "i love talking about colors, animals, guiness world record books, i have them all." i say, not finished since conversing never ends for me. "guiness world records? so just- one type of book?" "no, but when it comes to my favorites, guiness tops it all." "why?" "because it's just a book filled with people doing uncommon things, that makes me feel like having inability to show reaction is okay."
as much as i love conversing, i also love talking with anyone who knows how to carry converse well. most of the time, for me- people give up and always leaves. "sorry, i have to take this call" to "fuck off, leave me alone." some are nice when it comes to not wanting to talk with me while others are really honest about their feelings, no matter how negative it is.
see, being a person who loves conversing but has an inability to show reaction through her face comes with lot of social challenges. i can talk about anything i love but most people just judges from my face and then they decide the emotions they think i feel.
"i love paperback books, it looks pretty but i also enjoy epubs since it saves a lot of money and-.." "hey, listen- i appreciate you wanting to talk to me but it's okay, you can go enjoy doing whatever you want." "what do you mean? i enjoy talking with you." "...i seriously cannot tell if you are kidding or not." "i'm not kidding." "but your face...you look bored or i don't even know, but listen it's totally fine."
and that's how almost every conversion ends. i always wondered why they thought that i was trying to converse with them or how i was bored until sally pointed it out for me.
"you have a resting bitch face." she said and i remember that j blinked only one time for about 2 minutes. "i'd know cause i, too- have a resting bitch face. don't worry, sofi- the world may be against you but i'm not."
sally calls it "a resting bitch face" to my inability to show reaction, that makes me feel happy cause at least, bitch face is some sort of a reacting face. although i wouldn't call myself a bitch since i'm nice to everyone, i think.
got to make a list on if i'm nice to everyone or not, noted.
anyways, where was i, oh yeah- since in sally's words, i have a resting bitch face, it's hard to have a converse or maintain a conversion with people. they either think i'm too mean or i'm too nice that i'm trying to talk with them even when i don't enjoy it, THEIR WORDS, not mine.
